Silent Fishnets

Another month (of a new year, in a new decade) and Foilface have been back in the studio concocting some new slacker rock sounds that will eventually be available for your discerning ears. We promise you that a whole heap of these tunes will be mixed and downloadable for public consumption at some point soon (the clue to our tardiness dear readers is in the genre flagging above), but in the meantime absorb yourself in the mere theoretical sounds our electrified minds have been creating.

Silent Fishnets is a journey into the darkened and car key swopping entrails of a high society, rich suburbanite party. All software millionnaires, oyster moist call girls, cocaine cougars and twisted evangelists. In part it licks from the same dog bowl as the 1989 film Society. The film is a bizarre, Lovecraftian spoof on the American upper classes, and if you haven't seen it is well worth a watch - it will bend your head... and your guts.

The tune mixes that idea jism with glam rock, japanese manga hollering, Doors-ian lounge fuckery and a fistful of peanut M&Ms. Will it make the final cut of our (hopefully soon to be released) debut album? Stay tuned. Tunes are coming soooooon........

Monsters of Bunker Rock

It was good to see Leviathan Jones make an appearance down at the bunker studio on Saturday night. Odd though that may sound, it'll all become clear when the next stash of recent music from Foilface escapes into the world...

Scoop it Up

80's revivals, golf rock, twins in matching outfits, ironic jerry curls, happy glue-sniff-bleep-core phone jingles, gonzo street dance yoghurt wig-wam happenings, Sinitta.... we really do need to wipe the shit off the streets sometimes don't we? It's like second hand fish sex monitored by robots and Deirdre Rachid (nee Barlow). The AIDS peppered rot of cultural confetti clogging drains and blocking rational thought.

With all that in mind.... GET SOME FOILFACE... IT'S STILL HERE... AND THERE'LL BE MORE ONE DAY SOON... AND IT WON'T WHIFF OF SONIC DOG SHIT... PROMISE...

Scum vs Kittens

Too soon some forget we are all just moss on a huge spinning rock...

Tell that to the Mariah Carey's, Ronaldo's, Simon Cowell's and Ronald McDonald's of this world and they will look at you like you've just asked them to griddle your cock cheese. With eyes darker than creosote and souls as empty as a female marathon runner's bra they parade their populist sickness with glee. They are scum and we feed them like adorable kittens.

WHY? It's simple. Some people are confused by moss metaphors.

New Host for Foilface

We've moved our site and all our recent music to a new server with more servtastic powers, so hopefully the Foilface site will run a little smoother now. Do let us know if it's giving you any grief though.

Best of British

Ever noticed that the 'Best of British' is often just a bag of wank? Sausages filled with eyelids and snouts, sports stars who regularly bottle it, pan-faced birds with their tits out in mags like Nuts and skinny, floss-brained, smacky-looking male models in union jack boxer shorts. The phrase immediately fills me with trepidation, cynicism and doubt.

Last weekend's Sunday Mirror decided to spunk out this age old slogan (in their dire 'Celeb' mag) in order to shift a few extra copies (probably to retarded BNP voters in Yorkshire) and glory in the crop of new female singers we have warbling around our sacred shores.

To be fair the list was mildly impressive to a point - Florence Welch, VV Brown and at a push Little Boots too (although the hype has done her no favours - wasn't she supposed to be quirky and fresh as opposed to derivitive and bland?). But Pixie Lott? Yeah, there are probably plenty of tabloid readers who would like to make the glossy magazine pages stick together given half a chance - but the marketing is so transparent I'm at a loss. Hot pants. Loads of them. That's it. And it's working. Shame on you Britain! I would say, 'Not in my name' - but that'd probably be taking things a bit too far.

Two names relegated to just a small end blurb in the feature were the beautifully melancholic Laura Marling (you should have all heard of her by now) and the lesser known Marina & The Diamonds (although as some of you may know, there are no Diamonds, just Marina). I've not heard a lot but what I have heard sounds both commercial and quite good (rare bedfellows) - a little bit Joni Mitchell here and a little bit Kate Bush there (although that's a bit crass and obvious - sorry). Keep an ear out for her - she's miles better than La Roux and doesn't seem keen on pretending the mid-80's were ace either (they weren't, they were shit).

None of them are as good as the ladies Foilface got to sing on 'Pussyfoot' and 'Truckers' though. Those girls have got some serious pipes on 'em. Check out the tunes if you don't believe me.

Conclusion - fuck the all sloganeering and hype and dig a little deeper...

Foilface Moosic

Sorry about the title, but some gags are so obvious that it's just plain wrong not to run with them (just ask Tim Vine, he'll back me up on this one).

Having an involuntary love of all things Foilface - and indeed foil-faced - myself and fellow 'facer, Duncan Ratters, had to purchase and devour this foil-clad cow the minute we laid eyes on it. Only thing is, we didn't get any further than this from sheer guilt - look how sad a sight he is with no more legs :-(

We're now thinking of starting a foundation for abused foil-faced cows. The only trouble is that our recent music 2 download is free, so we need some help - please send us loads of massive donations so we can buy all the foil-faced chocolate cows in the country and 'look after' them.

Alpacas Dig Quality Recent Music

I was doing some random camping in a non-specific field during the disturbingly fine UK weather last week, when my Foilface free ringtone blasted out from my pocket, violently raping the tranquility of the whole picture.

I was distracted from my shame by the surprise of seeing this little Alpaca fella react by running a good distance across an adjoining field towards me with clear intent. At first, I thought he may have been offended and intend to take revenge on my nether regions, but no - he ran all the way over just to stop and listen to Foilface. There can be no arguement; Alpacas dig quality recent music.

"Pill Drink" - Song Lyrics

In the middle of the night when you’re zoned,
Just thinking, drinking,
Sinking into another man’s sofa,
On the brink of something happening,
You’re just reckoning that this can’t be the future
As your tutor is waiting to tell you something,
Anything that will alleviate the boredom,

No-one famous ever came from Milton Keynes,
All your dreams are just puddles left from the storms,
You’re just horny,
But then again maybe it’s this pill drink.

When the summer of your days are just a blaze
In a haze of Australians dying,
Lying on your back sweaty cracked,
Double-tracked like your life is running oh so parallel
To the surprising rising of a thousand backwoodsmen,
It’s kiss and tell, it’s wishing wells,
It’s the real hell of another man’s empty cellar,

No good stories ever came from Stoke-On-Trent,
You’re bent out of shape and hating people,
You’re evil, but then again,
At least you’ve got your pill drink.

No-one erotic ever came from East Kilbride,
You’re wide-eyed and unnecessary,
This is a very, very bad thing,
But at least you’ve got your pill drink.

When there’s someone in the background of every supermarket
Shouting words like, ‘semester’ and, ‘vacation’,
You know that they’re the kind of people
Who pay for empty cartons at the end of their shop
‘Cause they’ve eaten everything,
They treat it like a day out,
They treat it like an adventure,
They invite you around their house
To watch re-runs of Birds of a Feather,
They send you video messages to your phone
Of inbreds chain-sawing the heads off pigs,
They shove both thumbs up,
Smiling.

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD - Get ready for lots of Wacko Jacko covers at Glasto

THE KING OF POP IS DEAD...

The fresh from the bakers oven news concerning the death of the consistently peculiar plasticine mannequin, Michael Jackson has got me thinking about the future of music.

Since Foilface mixed their first EP, two or three months ago (the magical and strange, Jean-Claude Naive) important musical icons have started dying in their droves.

We've had Manchester's very own Johnny Roadhouse, Randy Cain of The Delfonics, Ink Spots singer Huey Long, Soft Machine bassist Hugh Hopper, Motown drummer Uriel Jones, the producer of Massive Attack's brilliant 'Blue Lines' album - Jonny Dollar, Steppenwolf's Kent Henry, Ean Evans - bass player with Lynyrd Skynyrd and now, hugest of the huge, 'THE KING OF POP' HIMSELF - MICHAEL JACKSON.

Maybe it's a sign. Are these people making way for the mighty Foilface? Is the musical relay baton being passed? Who knows. But I bet you one thing - they'll be a whole load of Wacko Jacko covers being played this weekend at Glastonbury.

I'd personally like to see Bruce Springsteen belting out 'Billie Jean' and maybe Rolf Harris wobbling out a cover of 'Earth Song' ("What about the elephants - a-hum-tiddy-hum-tiddy-hum" - how good would that be?).

All jokes aside it's a sad moment. Jackson has left big footprints all over the history of modern music and we'll probably never see someone as famous and popular as him ever again.

So why not celebrate his memory by listening to some Foilface. Some good, honest slacker-rock. It's way better than listening to 'Thriller' for the 6,643 time and it certainly beats standing in a muddy field in some over-priced wellies, listening to Shed Seven holler out a re-worked, 'Man in the Mirror' or Kasabian murdering, "Ben".

The very thought of such horrors is enough to give me a heart-attack!

The World Is Listening

Sometimes it's easy to be paranoid in this frequently bleak world of ours. Far simpler to think people are judging you every minute of every day, than no-one actually being arsed to. Just because the latter is the more likely does not make it the easier option.

At Foilface HQ we love judging people. We thrive off it. But we are also very wary of the whispers in the trees, the haunted gurgle of the river that sits beside our beloved studio and the watchful flap of herons at dawn. People love to hate and hate to love most of the time - it's how things work.

So, it came as no surprise on my walk home the other day, to find that nature has seemingly started listening to my moves (see the photo above). All I was doing was listening to a few bits of recent music on my shiny ipod and then I came across that. And I'm telling you - that patch of land was not fiddled with by me - that's the face of nature staring at you - and do you know what it's thinking?

It's thinking, "hmmm, I really like these Foilface fellas. They produce a fine example of 21st century progressive-post-punk-slacker-rock. I likes and I think others will too".

Music for FREEEEEEEEEEE

For those of you who haven't visited our downloads page and are still unaware of our newly released (and first ever) EP, the magical, "Jean-Claude Naive". I am here to remind you that as of last week our first ever batch of tunes (6 in all) are out and available to DOWNLOAD FOR FREE.

All you have to do to get your hands on them is simply send a blank email to foilface-no-reply@live.co.uk and you’ll receive an instant auto-response containing a link to download the whole EP for FREE!

It's as simple as that! SIX FREE SLACKER ROCK TRACKS all ready to be given a new home and loved like a little doe-eyed puppy.

Don't let 'the man' tell you there's nothing in this world for FREE. He's wrong (and always has been).

THIS IS A FREE GIG!!!

Am I alone in my pissy-panted amusement concerning Noel Gallagher and his, "THIS IS A FREE GIG" u-turn?

Noel and his fellow Quoasis 'tards have long since stopped being truly rock n' roll and 'all about the music' - but this latest u-turn shows us what a money hungry twonk Gallagher Snr really is - posing as a man of the people one minute and then remembering he's got a Rolls Royce and a huge millionaires mansion to pay for the next.

Just over two weeks ago, Ol' Breshnev Brows offered Oasis fans a full refund after two major power cuts hit their opening show at Manchester's Heaton Park.

Problems arose early on in their set, after the generators broke down, forcing the band to leave the stage for around ten minutes. After returning and launching into the plodding dross of 'Lyla', the generators once again packed-in half-way through (in protest maybe?). This was followed by a mammoth forty minute wait, during which the 70,000 gig-goers, who had paid £45 each for a ticket, started to get uneasy and raucous.

Sensing an air of disappointment, upon returning, Noel shouted to the crowd, “Thank you very, very much, this is a free gig - let's f***ing have it! Anybody who has kept their ticket will get a full refund."

I remember reading about this at the time and thinking what a top bloke Noel must be and how maybe I was wrong to think that 99% of his musical offerings post-Definitely Maybe were complete and utter bobbins. I think I even thought briefly about going back and re-assessing "Be Here Now" ("maybe Marilyn Manson is right when he says it's amazing", I momentarily brain farted stupidly).

But no. Like Lennon and McCartney after The Beatles split, shrunk laundry, preparing a brew only to realise the milk is off and lesbians without tongues - it was all just a big pile of nonsense.

Two weeks have passed since that gig and twenty thousand people have now tried to get refunds. But Noel can't believe it. Not only that, he thinks they're, "cheeky c**ts" for taking him up on his offer!

Writing on the official Oasis website, Noel blathers, “It seems that around 20,000 of you have asked for a refund from that night at Heaton Park!! 20,000!! So you were genuinely disappointed? I don't recall seeing a 20,000 gap in the crowd. Cheeky c**ts! Tsk ..some people.”

Call me, Jean-Claude Naive but I reckon it's probably got something to do with the £900,000 bill he'd have to foot if he was true to his word - the slack-mouthed spunker.

Here's hoping he catches AIDS and dies... I mean the flu and feels a bit rough... or a bad cold and needs a lie down... ahhhh... actually I quite like him... good luck to you fella... you're great... you always have been... you're lovely...

Noel Gallagher, eh? He's a smashing bloke - really down to earth and sound and that...

What is Truly New Music?

If you type new music into Google, you'll probably get exactly what you're looking for. But I'm half way through a smoke-and-brew-ponder, and I'm mulling over just exactly what deserves to be labelled with this term.

To anyone with an eye on the latest uk releases, it won't have gone unnoticed that many record companies now seem to crap themselves if a band tries to do anything that sounds notably different to their last successful single - instead favouring the production of 'new' material to follow some sort of recipe, resulting in each new release sounding remarkably like the last one (I won't start naming and shaming - I'll be here all day).

Luckily for Foilface, we only release the tunes we like, when and how we want by doing it ourselves - like so many other successful bands do nowadays - so we're not beholden to fat dickheads who would only ever pay any attention to their artists' lyrics if they contained phrases like "commercial viability" or "loyalty purchasing". We like to think that this is reflected in our genuinely new music - ie. the tracks can actually be distinguished from one another when you're listening from a distance.

Our new EP, Jean-Claude Naive, is a great example - feel free to disagree, of course. All opinions are very welcome here.

D.A.T - Dead Animal Terrorists

Remember awhile back when loads of twats were coming out of the woodwork and having a go at your 'favourite Mancunian band', because of our glorious moniker? Pricks like Spoilface, Toilface and Boilface. Dickheads trying to jump on our slacker-rock bandwagon in order to get a little nibble of cyber-publicity. Well, fortunately that little trend seems to of fucked off for now.

But as one problem subsides another rears it's maggot suckling head. Yes, the Foilface reputation is now in danger of being tarnished by a bizarre new terrorist organisation, known simply as, D.A.T - or the Dead Animal Terrorists.

These clowns have started leaving a variety of dead animals outside the offices of some of Manchester's most popular bands with little speech bubbles beside them (Mark E. Smith, for one, was not amused by his gift of a deceased kestral and the words, "STOP SLURRING YOUR WORDS TEABAG FACE").

I wouldn't personally be arsed were it not for the fact that the bum-munchers are seemingly doing it in OUR name. The tools are either pretending to be us or are so infatuated with our music that they feel the need to threaten other Mancunian bands on our behalf.

If it's the latter, it's flattering, but in all honesty I'd prefer it if they just handed out some leaflets for us or directed people to our lovely new website. Dumping dead birds on people's doorsteps just isn't on really. Thanks and all that, but please stop it.

And as for called yourselves 'Terrorists' - dropping lifeless crows outside Noel Gallagher's mum's house on a Friday morning in June is hardly the new 9/11 now is it? You silly little turds...

"Heavy" Rock

Long before the birth of this here internet and the mp3 revolution that spawned the now endless availability of music 2 download, these guys (Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood, for anyone who's new to the planet) were knocking out many pleasing sounds that still get a healthy amount of air time today.

Although it's just not considered 'cool' these days, Clapton is still up there on my guitar hero list and I enjoy the occasional over-indulgent bending of notes on my old black and white Strat in homage.

Clapton has always had that look of being just a bit too into it when he performs, but this snap from his latest "See 'em While They're Still Standing" tour, puts me in mind of the agony I once saw on my dad's face the moment his back gave out whilst carrying some heavy paving slabs. Is it all getting a bit much for Eric?

New Site for Foilface

We've beavered away and finally got some kind of site together that we're quite pleased with. There's plenty yet to add as things progress, but at least we've got something decent to be going on with and - more importantly - you can now listen to and download the brand new Jean-Claude Naive EP from Foilface in it's entirety for free! There's also a cool Pussyfoot ringtone you can help yourself to for free. So, grab some great new music for free and get your free ringtone rocking right now.

Who is Mystomunch?

Whilst still in a mildly foetal form (until the soon to be released new EP busts forth that is), Foilface have already garnered their first 'mentally unhinged fan'.

Known only as 'Mystomunch', the charming chappy emailed this lovely photo over to us with a simple message - "Dear Foilface, Eat the young, Lots of love Mystomunch x".

I'm not totally sure what he's trying to get at - is he saying Foilface are old? Is he advocating kiddy murder as a form of musical advancement? Or is he just a messy eater with a penchant for lamb and veal?

Whatever his message, it's good to have him onboard. Let's just hope he doesn't do any of that Mark Chapman type nonsense. The Foilface agenda is simple - make top tunes to excite people's ears. Nutters are just a bonus...

Foilface - The Swines!

Sore throat? Excessive coughing? Shortness of breath? Headache? Chills? Loss of appetite? Feverish?

If you're suffering from all of the above the chances are you need a bit of Foilface in your life. Bookmark this page and get ready for news on how you can get hold of the 'soon to be released' six track EP, Jean-Claude Naive for FREE.

If you're on the hunt for new music that's got a bit more snot than the usual dry-nosed bollocks you're tired of listening to, have a pre-release listen to the new stuff here and enjoy. The revolution is almost upon us.

What is Post-Slacker-Rock?

Has anyone ever really fully defined the term, 'slacker rock'? For me it involves a loose, laid-back approach to alternative music mixed with what used to be called a 'college rock' sound. The proponents of this sound were bands like Pavement, Modest Mouse, Grandaddy, Built to Spill, Swearing at Motorists and Guided by Voices, who emerged in the early 1990's. These bands took genres like shoegaze, garage rock and psychedelia, mixed them all together and spat out their findings. Sonically this loose collection of bands tended to be born out of a lo-fi approach to music (who needs expensive instruments and slick production sounds?) but ended up being more about a wonky approach to classic rock, mixed with lashings of tongue in cheek humour and surrealism - the classic albums of that genre and era being Pavement's 'Slanted & Enchanted', 'Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain' and 'Wowee Zowee', Modest Mouse's 'The Lonesome Crowded West' and Grandaddy's 'Under the Western Freeway'. If Pub-Rock was meat and two veg, Slacker-Rock was bacon and egg ice cream.

So, what's Post-Slacker-Rock and who are it's main proponents? Well, for me, Post-Slacker-Rock is a new extension of the old Slacker-Rock approach and aesthetic. If anything it blends in an even greater number of genre's and styles than Slacker Rock and benefits from a new age of cheaper, better quality production equipment and from the diversity of music now available to the modern listener (due to the rise of the download).

I think Foilface are Post-Slacker-Rock - direct but surreal, poetic but immediate and sonically varied. Other bands that fall under the very loose bracket of Post-Slacker-Rock include Cymbals Eat Guitars, who hail from Staten Island, New York and offer a proggish take on slacker-rock, with brooding soundscapes, odd dreamlike lyrics and the classic quiet to loud take on alternatve music that builds and builds before taking off. Suckers (also from New York but this time, Brooklyn) belt out a late-Pavement meets I'm From Barcelona kind of sound, mixing lots of expansive sonics, including horns, lazy choral vocals and shout-a-long choruses as well as drone-ish and shoegazey moments.

It's not all New York based though. There are also a couple of Australian bands who fall under PSR genre moniker. Quarter Acre and Sounds Like Sunset both hail from Sydney and where Quarter Acre opt for a better produced take on early Pavement, Sounds Like Sunset pull in influences like the Jesus & Mary Chain and Ride to summon up a shoegazey take on proceedings.

There's also Hockey, a Canadian band whose, 'Too Fake' single got a fair bit of airplay on both sides of the Atlantic. Where the other groups have a very authentic and at times soup-thick take on the genre, Hockey head at things from a slightly glam-rock inspired angle and have a bit of a stadium sheen to their sound. Not quite as experiental but very accessible nonetheless.

Recent music seems to be cleaning up it's act and climbing high as the world economy flounders. Maybe hard times yield great music or maybe it's just a coincidence. Either way post-slacker rock rules. Try some.

Foilface + Kebabs = Satisfaction

Late last week scientists proved (without doubt) that the best food to eat whilst listening to the recent music howlings of Foilface, was the good old 'Kebab'. I personally like a nice simple chicken tikka effort on naan bread with plenty of salad and sauce. They're satisfying, spicy, stodgy and honest. Bit like Foilface.

Hey! Pussyfoooot!

I would print the lyrics to this one - but as they're basically just, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Pussyfoot!", all I'd be doing is counting 'heys' and wasting my time.

If you liked the initial mix of, 'Pussyfoot' then you'll be pleased to know that our first EP, "Jean-Claude Naive" is mixed and nearly ready to unleash. If you want to get your hands on a copy as soon as it's released send an email to contact@foilface.com - with, 'Copy of JCN please' in the subject line. Hopefully you'll agree that an email address is a more than acceptable swap for a free six track EP (in mp3 format). This is nothing other than it seems - we only want your email address so that we can tell you stuff, like when the next EP is out, for example. We promise not to share your email with anyone else or pepper you with emails.

For all you hardcopy lovers out there, you'll also be pleased to know that we'll also be releasing a limited run of the EP on CD. We haven't got a release date for our recent music slacker rock attacks as yet - but it's going to be VERY soon.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WS EVIL-STONE

"Break In to Break Out" - Song Lyrics

Sweet Lord, am I really here,
Or is someone just pulling my heartstrings?
Cause they’ve snapped
And I’m back on the track
That keeps leading to cracks
In the pavement,
Your little words are breaking me.

The end, I have seen my friend
And it lends its face well to vengeance,
You spend all my patience quick
But the trick is to swear that you need me,
Greedy, bleed me dry, I sigh, you lead,
Oh your little words are breaking me.

Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)

(Wig-Out)

Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)

So here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes,
Here comes reality,
I’m off the track, I’m on my back, sharp as a tack, I take it back,
Here comes monotony,

Where you gonna go when you feel the rain?
Whose gonna listen when you start to complain?
What you gonna do when they drive you insane?
Why are you poking your life down the drain?
Talk back!!!

Stay tuned for more lyrics from the recent music vaults of Manchester's newest slacker rock afficionados, Foilface....

It's Official - Foilface Makes Listeners Feast on Squirty Cheese

Look at that little Primula mouse shoving his thumbs up at some chunky Foilface loving bugger. It's almost winking at him as he wraps his cheddary ears around a little bit of 'Break In to Break Out' - the closing track on Foilface's soon-to-be-released first-EP, 'Jean-Claude Naive' (but more about that at a slightly later date).

The cheese lover in question, when asked about this post-cheese-sex-esque photo, slathered, "See how coy the tube of cheese is? Notice how embarrassed it looks, all naked in the sunshine of the front seat of my motor, we didn't even have the decency to drive away from Tesco, we just got straight down to it in the car park while women, workmen and children idly walked by. It gave me the horn".

It's official - listening to Foilface makes you horny for cheese. Get your hands on some of their Hot new music for dairy pervs now. Listen and understand!

Foilface Soundtrack Snailface Record Attempt

I love stupid world records - and it doesn't get much more stupid than the record for the amount of snails you can put on your face (25 - go on count 'em).

Far be it for me to mock (especially not on this occassion) - I'm far too accepting of such things. I've also got no world records (although I may possibly have a bit of athletes foot on the big toe of my right foot and a half eaten sandwiche in the kitchen).

The great news concerning the world recording breaking snails on a face photo on your right is that the young nine year old in question (Tiana Wilson) is a massive fan of Foilface and once listened to 'Pussyfoot' in it's entirety (that's 2 mins and 31 seconds) on Last FM whilst balancing a non-record breaking 17 snails on her face. She loves us and so do the snails.

Speaking to some reporter at some point she reckoned that snails really liked ramshackled slacker rock music played by men that smell of beer and crisps. It supposedly makes them stickier (no giggling all you SITC fans!).

So, 'nine year old record breakers' and 'snails' love Foilface. If that's not the headline on a soon to be released Foilface Press Release, then I'm a cock.

"Second Date" - Song Lyrics

I left my whistle by the canapés,
This age I’ve found myself in
Is made out of concrete boulevards,
I find my way out punching bodyguards,

Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time I had worms?

This is a really bad second date,
I’ve poured my guts out and I’m crying hard,
If there were rules I reckon they’d all be corpses in a lonely pit,
Counting buttons and they’re cluttered by confusing shit.

I break myself into pieces
And I hand myself out to lonely lepers,
Claire is a very good, a very good swimmer,
She’s hyperactive and she’s insecure,

If you tell here she’s the only one
She probably bake some cakes
And suck you till you’re dry.

She’s an only child and her parents are separated
I’ll bet she’ll be elated if you break her down –
She is a cake with squirty cream.

Keep your eyes on these pages for more Foilface lyrics and recent music news and nonsense...

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Face

This is just getting ridiculous now. We've been contacted by this sartorial trailblazer, calling himself "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Face", who reckons he's been mistakenly receiving our fan mail due to the similarity in names!

We found this pretty hard to believe, but when we thought about it, we haven't received a single item of fan mail for some weeks now, so what other explaination could there possibly be?! There's plenty of people out there listening to our recent music, so it surely can't be the case that we simply haven't been sent any...can it?

Well Snide

There's a lot of scary stuff in this here world of ours. People who sodomise horses, Elvis Presley impersonators, vampire donkeys, marmite, Nicholas Witchell, volcanoes, emo kids with guns, Pauline Quirke, raw egg drinks - the list is far to long to print here in full.

About six or seven foot down the official scroll of scary stuff in this here world of ours (the list is written in Times New Roman, font size 12) is a strange Manchester based artist called Snide.

I call him Terrapin because it sounds good and he regularly appears in damp shadows, snapping and barking at strangers like he's chewing on pine cones.

He's got some lovely music mind you (even if just a whiff of schnapps can make this normally very pleasant individual slip into a pair of barbed wire suspenders and yelp bile like a crazed necromancer in prison). Here's a downloadable version of his cover of The Abodes, 'Why My God'. Think comprehensible Mark E Smith meets Massive Attack via early Adam Green and your vaguely nearby...

(MP3) Snide - Why My God

He's got a MySpace site too. Check it out...

http://www.myspace.com/snidehowkins

Recent Music rant from Toilface!

We received this email and picture today, from 'Toilface':

"Foilface. I find your recent music to be indeed most pleasant. But I don't really approve of you having such a similar name to me. I have worked the land for nigh on two score years and ten to earn my name. What have you done? Probably eaten a few too many toffees and recorded your excitement."

Recent Music by Soilface?

This is Eastern-European death-squat rapper 'Soilface', who has recently made remarks to the press, questioning the origins of the name Foilface.

The cult non-entity claims to have spent an evening in a Manchester strip club with key members of the uk music collective, where he shared the genius of his plan to take the music scene by storm, using a proven demographic formula based around a band name ending in 'oilface'. He is also accusing Foilface of stealing his lyrics for their tune Sad House.

Recent music by Soilface is currently only available in his bedroom, but his mother has substantiated the claim and was reported as saying: "I bleedin' wanna twat that Foilface. I'm takin' 'em to court and stuff."

The saga continues.

Who is Cubass?

I have a tune here, ready to be uncovered and swooned to. Its a lovely acoustic cover of Aha's seminal 80's track 'Take On Me' (no giggling, it's a top tune - yes it is! Stop pretending to be cool).

The question is - who is Cubass? All I know is that he's only ever recorded one tune, likes snickers and lives somewhere near Manchester. He's like the Lord Lucan of alt-acoustic loveliness. Here's the tune:-

(MP3) Cubass - Take On Me

Rumour has it, he's a big fan of Foilface. That said, he's also supposedly a big fan of Mama Mia and Mariah Carey, so there's no accounting for taste....

Fictional Albums

I totally understand how annoying social networking sites like Facebook can be. And as for all the applications - stuff like software that makes your nose wiggle on photos, people sending pictures of fruit-baskets to each other and setting up Lorraine Kelly Fan Groups - do people really need that kind of fluff in their lives?

That said, I have recently witnessed a mildly amusing new idea/trend on Facebook, namely the instant-fictional-album-cover fad. For those not in the know, you pick a random wikepedia page heading to use a your band name, then a random quote from a quotes website (the last four or five words generally). Then hop onto a photo hosting site like flickr and pick the first photo you stumble across. Piece them together in something like Photoshop and hey presto - fictional album cover

It's utter bobbins but mildly amusing (and kind of eerie) as my example here shows. That said, it really is much better to actually make a real album.

Which Foilface will endeavour to do once we've finished mixing our first few EPs. Watch this space...

Lori Capp

Another triumph at the bunker last night as one more delicious foilface song was burped into life. Things are shaping up nicely now and we've developed a bit of a rhythm in terms of writing and recording, what we really need to do now is start mixing and mastering these nuggets of insanity so they can be stuffed into a release-able format or two. To that end we've set a date of the first weekend in April for mixing the first EP, the idea being we mix the whole EP in one sitting.

The title of the first magical extended player is Traumatised Yacht Owner and I'm confident it'll be done and ready for free mp3 download from the foilface website from mid April. Tell your friends, your Dog, your mistress and yourself to be around for the release of this sidestep from banality, being the only member of the Golf Society without a copy on your iPod touch is simply too much of a risk and if you do find yourself in such a career threatening position, well, you can't say you weren't warned. Good day.

What'choo talkin' 'bout, Foilface?

Remember the ridiculous American sit-com, Diff'rent Strokes? The plot revolved around two African-American orphans (Arnold and Willis) from a poor Harlem neighbourhood who were adopted by their deceased mother's wealthy white employer, Mr Drummond. It was nonsensical (and slightly questionable in hindsight) but mildly humorous if my memory serves me correctly.

So, what has Diff'rent Strokes got in common with the new Mancunian musical bandwagon that is Foilface? Well, if Mr Drummond was Foilface, Arnold and Willis would definitely be The Abodes - the gonk-pop duo spawned in the rural ghettoes of North Wales and now based and sonically swimming around the inner city beauty of Manchester.

The Abodes currently have two full-length albums full of recent music available on Last.fm for absolutely nowt (that's 'nuffink', for all you southerners out there). All you need to do is visit the album links on their Last.fm page and get downloading - http://www.last.fm/music/The+Abodes

If you're wondering what they sound like, imagine a musical supermarket sweep attended by Ween and The Beta Band in a shop owned by Gruff Rhys and Beck. Or alternatively think, lo-fi gonk-pop or weird-out acoustica. All you really need to know is it's top stuff and it's completely and utterly FREE. All The Abodes ask is that you befriend them on the site if you're a Last.fm member, tag up their tunes and leave them some messages n' stuff.

35 tunes are available to listen to and download and more of their gently mental sounds will be finding their way onto to their Last.fm page very soon too - so get your very own little bit of musical Manchester magic now...

Pudgy faced lo fi culture never sounded better...

How to get Free Tunes

Click here to get free tunes. It's that easy, and it's totally legal, so go get them!

CCTV Soundtracks

Ever wondered how long it'll be until forests start having CCTV cameras on the boughs of their trees? Do you long for a song that brings together witches, eagles and vicars and asks them to gently gurgle harmonic sounds together? Then 'Happy Apocalypso' to you! For Foilface have the very remedy to cure your ailments.

'Cameras', is one of a batch of currently downloadable Foilface tracks available for free.

Think Smog mud wrestling Devendra Banhart in a hot tub owned by Dave Gilmour and your nine twelfths of the way there.

To find out what's next and hear about further downloadable tunes from the Foilface collective sign up to the free music mailing list.

Sad Music

Is your brain lost in memories? Are you lonely like the vulture? Do you enjoy a cheeky blub every now and again (when no-one's looking, of course)? Then (amongst other things) Foilface have conjured up a nice weepy little wonk-ballad for you in the shape of, 'Sad House'.

Download the free mp3. It's ready and waiting for your listening pleasure.

If Kate Bush were a fat Northern slacker with a penchant for fruit beers and sobbing she/he would happily put their name to this new blast of sad music. Plus it's free so there's nothing to lose. Have some lovely new manchester music on us.

It may need one final mix (maybe not - tell us what you think) but it balances quite nicely alongside some of the more joyously rabid tunes currently in the bag.

Go get some...

Sub-division ahoy, bring out your hyphens

The evolution of music via genre re-generation fascinates me. I often find myself slightly aroused when I come across yet another saucy looking Portmantau such as metal-gaze, shoe-core, dark-step or even clown-step. The language is an entire study in itself, I find myself researching sub-genres of sub-genres without meaning to, and even more worryingly, I find myself dropping these labels into everyday conversation with people who have no idea what the foilface I'm going on about.

My current highlights of the sub-genre-naming movement are directly linked to manchesters very own foilface - get a load of these tags, 21st century slacker-rock, psychedelicly-twisted-mexican-seaside-mini-prog. (I would recommend you take a look at some foilface if you can answer "fuck yeah!" to any two or more of the bullet points below).

I recently focused on the majestic genre of post-rock, not post-metal or post-post-hardcore - just good old fashioned post-rock. Now from the reaction I've had from most friends outside the music-creation circuit you'd think this genre hadn't been invented yet, worse still there are people that can't even seem to remember anything about it hours after a basic explanation - "post-whatyacallit?, is that like pole dancing musics?"

I'm going to start laying down some rules as to how much attention I think the general public should be paying to the rich crusty underside of popular culture. Here's a couple off the top of my head.

1. All members of society must be able to name TEN recognised musical genres not including - pop, rock, folk, blues, punk and reggae. (There is to be no cheating by scrolling through your iPod)
2. All members of society will only have a chance to listen to, and digest, any one single piece of music up to a maximum of TEN times, after that you will be expected to move on.
3. Christmas songs are abolished - see rule 2
4. Sky Sports are to create an entire industry based on the hunting down of, then the slow and deliberate stabbing of, Simon Cowell through the heart with a pair of rusty barbecue tongs covered in AIDS. (Gillette Super Disembowel-Cowel Sunday)

I've just purchased tickets to see yet another live instrumental guitar combo, this time it's Japan's Mono. I'll be at the London show on the 26th of March. It's the day before my birthday and I'll be in my instrumental revery, secretly inventing three new sub-genres for each song they play, bliss.

Tokyo2005 : Free UK Music Downloads

Okay, just for a minute I need to stop banging on about the amazing, awesome free MP3 downloads of new recent music by Foilface. Did we mention Foilface?

This week, I have mostly been listening to some sonic mind treats in the form of Tokyo2005's new free uk music downloads. If you don't listen to anything else this week, then definitely listen to these fine new UK sounds. Tokyo2005 is the sort of emotionally engaging music that will lift your soul and make you think you can do stuff that you clearly can't, but will enjoy believing that you can for a few dreamy moments of 'mind MTV'.

There.

So anyway, there's this ace new Manchester band called Foilface, right, and...

Manchester Musicians Rock!

Most of the time, Foilface are tucked away in our darkened recording studio exploring new ways to turn strange thoughts into sounds. This is as much for the safety of the general public, as it is for the worthy additions to UK music.

However, last Saturday we took our moley eyes out into the real world on a rare Foilface field trip to see the Plastic Gun Alliance at The Witchwood, in Ashton-under-Lyne. And we weren't disappointed. PGA are surely one of the greatest collections of Manchester musicians ever! As if the music wasn't enough, the whole show was an eye candy feast of lasers, strobes and amazing VJ work.

Liten to Plastic Gun Alliance music 4 free by going to our 'music links' page.

What's the Concept?

Should albums tell stories? Or is it enough to just bang together a dozen great tunes and line them up so they sound good together? Should albums have a concept behind them or just act as a showcase?

I guess the obvious answers are no, probably and either, but it’s worth a thought. Concept albums like The Wall, Quadrophenia, Ege Bamyasi, Ok Computer and Sgt Pepper's sound much better when listened to as a whole and don’t really lend themselves well to the ipod shuffle. That in itself is a great argument for concept albums. In this day and age if the album is to survive as a workable format, surely a rise in concept albums is due.

Personally I (and Foilface) much prefer a bit of occasional indulgence over play it safe ‘meat and two veg’ pub-rock. And for me there’s too few albums containing song-cycles and multi-song plots and stories. Maybe bands are just scared. You only have to look at the state of Brian Wilson to see what creating albums like ‘Smile’ can do to a man.

I still find it baffling that post-Ok Computer the concept album still hasn’t really taken off (excluding the odd belting exception like the Liars’ ‘They Were Wrong So We Drowned’ and Neon Neon’s ‘Stainless Style’).

Whether or not the forthcoming Foilface album is a concept album remains to be seen. It could easily be an exploration of mankind’s battle with medieval nightmares, vampires, human heartbreak and the questionable optimism of 21st Century Western society. Or it could just as easily be about slags, whisky, street-fighting and monkeys.

I just want a world packed with great concept albums (however loosely that term is applied – a concept needn’t be strict – after all Sgt Pepper's is just costumes and a title track when all is said and done isn’t it?). Failing that, just a bit more originality would be nice (are you listening Blunt, Ronson, Borrell, et al?). Music packed with ideas and stories, hot new music, melodies that sizzle the ears and bake the soul. It’s what we all want, isn’t it? (Answer – 'Yes').

Recent Music is Bobbins : Long Live Recent Music

A surprising amount of people say to us, "Do you know something, Foilface, recent music truly is bobbins."

As the conversation unfolds, it usually transpires that these folk have been listening to the pap-pedalling mainstream radio stations so much, that their ears have started morphing into small fluffy animals in a Darwin-esque attempt to preserve the brain from "pop rot".

It's true; if you want to immerse yourself in rubbish new music, it's a far easier goal than slipping out a number two these days (with astonishingly similar results). But, for those among us who actively seek out great new tunes, rather than getting subconsciously angered by enduring the 600th journey round an old geezer's wedding favourites, the age of ones and zeros has opened up many strange and wonderful avenues to explore amazing new sounds.

We like to think that the free mp3s of recent music by Foilface demonstrates this point rather well. It's not going to be to everyone's taste (Steve Wright, for example?) but it is offered for free, with good intent and no catches, so give your ears a treat and let us know what your brain reckons!

A Psychedelic Ponder

Look at the quizzical look on this small 1970's child's face. He isn't questioning his haircut. Nor is he questioning the early emergence of a double chin. No, this child is pondering the phrase 'Foilface'. Is it a state of mind? Or is is just a face covered in foil?

Five minutes after this photo was taken, the child realised he was asking the wrong questions. And many years later he just accepted the fact that Foilface was a part of his life, no matter how mysterious or vague that seemed.

Foilface is the psychedelic music that floats around inside his mind and occassionally escapes from his mouth ready to hook onto the beautiful music of others and create landscapes of sonic wonderment and babble. Foilface is the holy roasting of meats and the saviour of musical left-overs. A nonsense of wildly sensible proportions...

Broken Steeples

Another Foilface session came and went last night and another tune is in the can (but for the sake of a sensible polish). What fun this Saturday recording malarky is. I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. It certainly beats being squeezed into a bar somewhere, eating twiglets and sucking in my gut as I wink at ladies and pretend to be interesting to strangers.

Our latest opus is called 'We are the Broken Steeples' (or maybe just 'Broken Steeples' as it sounds a bit less like something a cheesy 1970's country and western band from Newcastle might holler as they step onto the stage of a spit and sawdust pub in Rochdale). After 20 or so listens it sounds a bit like Odelay-era Beck meets Gruff Rhys' solo stuff to me but it's tricky to pin down. The words sinister and perky spring to mind. Maybe we've created a new genre - 'Sinister-Perk'.

Anyway, at some point over the next few months you'll get the chance to hear it on this site if you fancy (there's already a couple of tunes on our mp3 page if your curious and fancy some free Manchester music for your ipod).

Cameras Music

Lights camera action music! What? Have Foilface gone all Hollywood and stuff?

No. Foilface are more likely to 'No More Nails' themselves to a pan-faced tart and waterski across Nicholas Witchall's charisma buying Woolworths shares. Fact.

Foilface's cameras music is something a little more profound...

Pussyfoot! Your Mind is Diseased!

They said it couldn't be done. 'They' don't really exist of course and the things being done are all done in the dark with no-one watching. So scrap that. Let me start again...

No-one said things might or might not be done. AND guess what?! They have been.

So, who or what are Foilface? Well, have you ever drunk a tumbler of paed (the delightfully sub-human blend of Russia's finest ice-cold vodka and Britain's bollock-warm cream soda)? Have you ever danced with a bag of revels in the pale moonlight? Do you like bending, Focus's 'Hocus Pocus', McDonalds' Vanilla Milkshake enemas and whities? If the answer is 'yes', then there's a good chance you'll love Foilface even if you don't know who or what they are yet really (you will soon).

Focus - Hocus Pocus (Live '73) - Click here to watch flabbergastingly good Youtube clip

Imagine riding on the back of a huge wolf. You are a nomadic fighter but you have no idea what you are fighting or where you are heading. The desert you ride across is bare but for the random scatterings of angry cacti. Visions brew and vampires appear on the horizon of your memories, dribbling their sluicy madness across the dreams you scatter forth. Vague rumours of atrocities whisper across the sandy dunes, thoughts of love and betrayal sink into the dying sun and yet all you can do is laugh. You laugh until you pass out and then as you drift into dreams all you can hear is the sound of strange seaside organ, the cries of hungry gulls and the five words, "PUSSYFOOT - Your mind is diseased!" . The words echo beautifully like a perfectly blended mixture of fear and amusement. When you finally wake from your slumber, you are sat on a lazy-boy with a jotter pad in your hand and a peculiar sense of joy. The pad is almost entirely empty. Almost. All it says is, 'Foilface'.

Latest UK Songs?

You're unlikely to get any more 'hot off the press' music release action than Foilface.

We have been known to go into our Manchester studio, with no preparation (beyond a trip for generic essential supplies), then emerge an obscene amount of hours later with a finished tune – all mixed and everything – and bang it straight into the internet through the magic of the MP3... before even going to bed!

Eee, how times have changed, eh? It's not like them olden days when the latest UK songs available were actually finished a while back, but had only just become physically existent in the world. I bet there weren't many bands recording, producing and finishing a tune all in one night, then pressing a few thousand vinyls before going to bed...

That said, we'd be lying if we claimed they didn't usually need the odd tweak in the cold light of day, but that's a minor detail!

This is Foilface!

Hello,

This is the Foilface music blog where we'll be putting...erm...blogs about music and, of course, Foilface!