Foilface Music Blog

Silent Fishnets

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:58:00 +0000

Another month (of a new year, in a new decade) and Foilface have been back in the studio concocting some new slacker rock sounds that will eventually be available for your discerning ears. We promise you that a whole heap of these tunes will be mixed and downloadable for public consumption at some point soon (the clue to our tardiness dear readers is in the genre flagging above), but in the meantime absorb yourself in the mere theoretical sounds our electrified minds have been creating.

Silent Fishnets is a journey into the darkened and car key swopping entrails of a high society, rich suburbanite party. All software millionnaires, oyster moist call girls, cocaine cougars and twisted evangelists. In part it licks from the same dog bowl as the 1989 film Society. The film is a bizarre, Lovecraftian spoof on the American upper classes, and if you haven't seen it is well worth a watch - it will bend your head... and your guts.

The tune mixes that idea jism with glam rock, japanese manga hollering, Doors-ian lounge fuckery and a fistful of peanut M&Ms. Will it make the final cut of our (hopefully soon to be released) debut album? Stay tuned. Tunes are coming soooooon........

Toastabags Are Shit - Don't Buy 'Em

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:42:00 +0000

The churning out of much fine new uk music can often leave one feeling rather peckish, so I got quite excited this week when I treated myself to some new scoff technology whilst out on a lavish christmas shop in Poundstretcher.

'Toastabags' (pluralised even though there's only one in the tight-arsed pack) are basically wallets for toasting sandwiches in your toaster. You may have seen them featured on Dragon's Den a while back.

Great idea, but sadly the manufacturer's claims appear to be a complete croque-monsieur of shit. My perfectly decent cheese butty was quickly turned to charcoal on the outside, whilst the cheese inside was still colder than Michael Jackson. The supposedly "reusable toastabag" singed through on it's first pathetic outing, so in truth didn't even reach the dizzy heights of being "usable".

Luckily, the fact that the tight fannies only give you one in the pack meant that I didn't put my second butty in at the same time, so I avoided cremating them both - I did this one under the grill like I would have done anyway before my idiot purchase.

Toastabags Review: They're fuc*ing dreadful (0/10)

Ah, that feels better.

Monsters of Bunker Rock

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:27:00 +0000

It was good to see Leviathan Jones make an appearance down at the bunker studio on Saturday night. Odd though that may sound, it'll all become clear when the next stash of recent music from Foilface escapes into the world...

RIP Dezza Bizzle

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:49:00 +0000

RIP Derek B. You got away with wearing caps back to front and you wore your vest well. Taken too soon... motherf*cker.

Vanilla Twice?

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:12:00 +0000

It's hard to swim against the love-to-hate tide that has swelled for these fecking little pricks from ITV's shamelessly fake talent show; so much so that they're even getting a mention from Foilface now.

We reckon their massive doubletake brothers ball-baggery heads would have been better received if they'd called themselves 'Vanilla Twice'. Although in fairness they're more 'baby' than 'ice' and "Ice Baby Baby" doesn't quite scan.

Of course, if you want some real music 2 download for free, don't think Cowell's emotionally retarted freakshow of wailing scrotum sputum - think Foilface!

Manchester Recording Studio Deals!

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Much of the fine Foilfacery purveyed 'pon this site was twatted out, smashed through timeholes and crafted into gourmet ear pie at The Bunker recording studio in Manchester by special invitation over recent days.

Rather spiffingly, The Bunker is now doing some leg-janglingly well-priced recording studio package deals for everyone to buzz off (as long as you're not a moronic spazoid of course). Check out these most appealing Bunker Deals at www.bunkersounds.co.uk.

As if that's not cock-poppingly fantastic enough, you can also get recording studio gift vouchers to make you the bestest buddy/relative in the land - or maybe just to mega impress a chick who thinks she's Dido or summit.

Scoop it Up

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:07:00 +0000

80's revivals, golf rock, twins in matching outfits, ironic jerry curls, happy glue-sniff-bleep-core phone jingles, gonzo street dance yoghurt wig-wam happenings, Sinitta.... we really do need to wipe the shit off the streets sometimes don't we? It's like second hand fish sex monitored by robots and Deirdre Rachid (nee Barlow). The AIDS peppered rot of cultural confetti clogging drains and blocking rational thought.

With all that in mind.... GET SOME FOILFACE... IT'S STILL HERE... AND THERE'LL BE MORE ONE DAY SOON... AND IT WON'T WHIFF OF SONIC DOG SHIT... PROMISE...

Scum vs Kittens

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 22:06:00 +0000

Too soon some forget we are all just moss on a huge spinning rock...

Tell that to the Mariah Carey's, Ronaldo's, Simon Cowell's and Ronald McDonald's of this world and they will look at you like you've just asked them to griddle your cock cheese. With eyes darker than creosote and souls as empty as a female marathon runner's bra they parade their populist sickness with glee. They are scum and we feed them like adorable kittens.

WHY? It's simple. Some people are confused by moss metaphors.

Take a Trip Down Dunstan Avenue...

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 08:21:00 +0000

...for fine poetry examples .

New Host for Foilface

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:28:00 +0000

We've moved our site and all our recent music to a new server with more servtastic powers, so hopefully the Foilface site will run a little smoother now. Do let us know if it's giving you any grief though.

WS Evilstone's Evil Twin Bro?

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:57:00 +0000

Best of British

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 23:01:00 +0000

Ever noticed that the 'Best of British' is often just a bag of wank? Sausages filled with eyelids and snouts, sports stars who regularly bottle it, pan-faced birds with their tits out in mags like Nuts and skinny, floss-brained, smacky-looking male models in union jack boxer shorts. The phrase immediately fills me with trepidation, cynicism and doubt.

Last weekend's Sunday Mirror decided to spunk out this age old slogan (in their dire 'Celeb' mag) in order to shift a few extra copies (probably to retarded BNP voters in Yorkshire) and glory in the crop of new female singers we have warbling around our sacred shores.

To be fair the list was mildly impressive to a point - Florence Welch, VV Brown and at a push Little Boots too (although the hype has done her no favours - wasn't she supposed to be quirky and fresh as opposed to derivitive and bland?). But Pixie Lott? Yeah, there are probably plenty of tabloid readers who would like to make the glossy magazine pages stick together given half a chance - but the marketing is so transparent I'm at a loss. Hot pants. Loads of them. That's it. And it's working. Shame on you Britain! I would say, 'Not in my name' - but that'd probably be taking things a bit too far.

Two names relegated to just a small end blurb in the feature were the beautifully melancholic Laura Marling (you should have all heard of her by now) and the lesser known Marina & The Diamonds (although as some of you may know, there are no Diamonds, just Marina). I've not heard a lot but what I have heard sounds both commercial and quite good (rare bedfellows) - a little bit Joni Mitchell here and a little bit Kate Bush there (although that's a bit crass and obvious - sorry). Keep an ear out for her - she's miles better than La Roux and doesn't seem keen on pretending the mid-80's were ace either (they weren't, they were shit).

None of them are as good as the ladies Foilface got to sing on 'Pussyfoot' and 'Truckers' though. Those girls have got some serious pipes on 'em. Check out the tunes if you don't believe me.

Conclusion - fuck the all sloganeering and hype and dig a little deeper...

Free Music 2 Download

noreply@blogger.com (Kilgore Trout) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 11:06:00 +0000

“It costs me absolutely nothing to create the music. Zero dollars. I record all the guitars and bass straight into my laptop and program the drums using this one sequencing program, then I mix and master everything myself. The only thing that costs money are guitar strings, but I have a full-time job so it’s no big deal.”
– Ben Sharp

Isn't this the way it should be? Ben Sharp is the person responsible for the one-man post-metal brainrash 'Cloudkicker' - I keep harping on about him but what's not to like? He writes and records the most amazing instrumental metal on the planet, on his own, on his laptop then gives it away on the internet for free. Humble as fuck.

You can grab his EP and album here.

There is of course some more music 2 download for free over at the beasty Foilface website, why don't you treat yourself to a bit of both and shuffle your mp3pod to blast your headplate in with a heady mix of slackercore and metalgaze you complete fucking mentalist?

Foilface Moosic

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:11:00 +0000

Sorry about the title, but some gags are so obvious that it's just plain wrong not to run with them (just ask Tim Vine, he'll back me up on this one).

Having an involuntary love of all things Foilface - and indeed foil-faced - myself and fellow 'facer, Duncan Ratters, had to purchase and devour this foil-clad cow the minute we laid eyes on it. Only thing is, we didn't get any further than this from sheer guilt - look how sad a sight he is with no more legs :-(

We're now thinking of starting a foundation for abused foil-faced cows. The only trouble is that our recent music 2 download is free, so we need some help - please send us loads of massive donations so we can buy all the foil-faced chocolate cows in the country and 'look after' them.

Alpacas Dig Quality Recent Music

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:19:00 +0000

I was doing some random camping in a non-specific field during the disturbingly fine UK weather last week, when my Foilface free ringtone blasted out from my pocket, violently raping the tranquility of the whole picture.

I was distracted from my shame by the surprise of seeing this little Alpaca fella react by running a good distance across an adjoining field towards me with clear intent. At first, I thought he may have been offended and intend to take revenge on my nether regions, but no - he ran all the way over just to stop and listen to Foilface. There can be no arguement; Alpacas dig quality recent music.

"Pill Drink" - Song Lyrics

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:44:00 +0000

In the middle of the night when you’re zoned,
Just thinking, drinking,
Sinking into another man’s sofa,
On the brink of something happening,
You’re just reckoning that this can’t be the future
As your tutor is waiting to tell you something,
Anything that will alleviate the boredom,

No-one famous ever came from Milton Keynes,
All your dreams are just puddles left from the storms,
You’re just horny,
But then again maybe it’s this pill drink.

When the summer of your days are just a blaze
In a haze of Australians dying,
Lying on your back sweaty cracked,
Double-tracked like your life is running oh so parallel
To the surprising rising of a thousand backwoodsmen,
It’s kiss and tell, it’s wishing wells,
It’s the real hell of another man’s empty cellar,

No good stories ever came from Stoke-On-Trent,
You’re bent out of shape and hating people,
You’re evil, but then again,
At least you’ve got your pill drink.

No-one erotic ever came from East Kilbride,
You’re wide-eyed and unnecessary,
This is a very, very bad thing,
But at least you’ve got your pill drink.

When there’s someone in the background of every supermarket
Shouting words like, ‘semester’ and, ‘vacation’,
You know that they’re the kind of people
Who pay for empty cartons at the end of their shop
‘Cause they’ve eaten everything,
They treat it like a day out,
They treat it like an adventure,
They invite you around their house
To watch re-runs of Birds of a Feather,
They send you video messages to your phone
Of inbreds chain-sawing the heads off pigs,
They shove both thumbs up,
Smiling.

Foilface Are Dead! (You Can Love Us Now)

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 08:11:00 +0000

I'm sure you won't have heard this anywhere, but Michael Jackson died on Friday. Whatever you thought of his utterly quizzical lifestyle, nobody can deny that he leaves behind something of an impressive and unique contribution to musical history that is unliekly to be forgotten any time soon.

What will be forgotten - probably very promptly - are the less desirable elements of his existence; the efforts to make himself into a lego-faced white guy, for starters. It'll be the same people who were slagging him silly last week, who will now pretend to be personally offended when someone cracks one of the inevitible tasteless gags that will now be circulating. You know the people I mean; the folks who shed tabloid tears over a total stranger who bought it in a tunnel, even though they called her a disgrace while she was alive... and still siezed the opportunity for a bonus booze-up on that bizarre 'day of national mourning' we were gifted.

Why is it that we only seem to love these people once they're dead? There'll probably be some wacko Jacko fanclub fatwa on Martin Bashir and Jarvis Cocker by the end of the month, despite the base satisfaction we all enjoyed from their bad-boy antics.

In conclusion, Foilface have decided we will all live as officially dead people from now on for the good of our recent music. This means you can idolise us stupid to show everyone just what a caring person you are. We tick all the boxes - you probably didn't know us, you didn't really care about us, and anyone who doesn't understand your latest excuse for an almighty self-indulgent bender is clearly just heartless scum.

New Free Music Paparazzi

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 06:30:00 +0000

It's all well and good basking in the anonymity of Foilface. But when you look out of your humble upstairs window in the early hours and see a car creeping along the back lane - the type of which can only belong to the new free music paparazzi - it's kind of daunting. Shouldn't they all be at Glasto right now? They're on to us, man. LEG IT!!!

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD - Get ready for lots of Wacko Jacko covers at Glasto

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:08:00 +0000

THE KING OF POP IS DEAD...

The fresh from the bakers oven news concerning the death of the consistently peculiar plasticine mannequin, Michael Jackson has got me thinking about the future of music.

Since Foilface mixed their first EP, two or three months ago (the magical and strange, Jean-Claude Naive) important musical icons have started dying in their droves.

We've had Manchester's very own Johnny Roadhouse, Randy Cain of The Delfonics, Ink Spots singer Huey Long, Soft Machine bassist Hugh Hopper, Motown drummer Uriel Jones, the producer of Massive Attack's brilliant 'Blue Lines' album - Jonny Dollar, Steppenwolf's Kent Henry, Ean Evans - bass player with Lynyrd Skynyrd and now, hugest of the huge, 'THE KING OF POP' HIMSELF - MICHAEL JACKSON.

Maybe it's a sign. Are these people making way for the mighty Foilface? Is the musical relay baton being passed? Who knows. But I bet you one thing - they'll be a whole load of Wacko Jacko covers being played this weekend at Glastonbury.

I'd personally like to see Bruce Springsteen belting out 'Billie Jean' and maybe Rolf Harris wobbling out a cover of 'Earth Song' ("What about the elephants - a-hum-tiddy-hum-tiddy-hum" - how good would that be?).

All jokes aside it's a sad moment. Jackson has left big footprints all over the history of modern music and we'll probably never see someone as famous and popular as him ever again.

So why not celebrate his memory by listening to some Foilface. Some good, honest slacker-rock. It's way better than listening to 'Thriller' for the 6,643 time and it certainly beats standing in a muddy field in some over-priced wellies, listening to Shed Seven holler out a re-worked, 'Man in the Mirror' or Kasabian murdering, "Ben".

The very thought of such horrors is enough to give me a heart-attack!

Glastonbury 2009 Lineup

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:48:00 +0000

The horse is out the barn, fo sho, but we're not ashamed to bring you the definitive Glastonbury stage line-up for 2009 regardless. It'd be bordering on criminal not to feature it on this here music blog (we know we've got at least a few readers in a field right now who probably can't quite remember who it was they wanted to see and when - this is for you, dudes).

Check our official Glastonbury 2009 lineup guide, which comes complete with links to all the bands on the bill, so you can pick the wheat from the chaff in the comfort of your own tent. Rock on!

Free Music!

noreply@blogger.com (Kilgore Trout) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:25:00 +0000

Music - like birds, spiders and Deirdre Rachid - makes the most sense when it's free. Since long before I was born music been shackled, packaged and presented to us as shiny eye catching parcels, watering down it's spirit and diluting it's soul.

Spotify is my new favourite ever thing on the Internet, it's incredible and is helping to push along the idea that - having to pay for, download and store music is soon to be obsolete, thank Jah.

A Spotify client for iPhone is almost ready, surely there will be ports to Symbian, and as our embarassingly slow-interneted country finally gets to grips with decent mobile broadband I wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing standalone Spotify or We7 or other streamcatching boxes springing up in the next few years.

I'm currently onsite at the Glastonbury festival, it's not exactly Free Music at 175 quid a ticket but with 700 acts over 4 days it's not bad value. Rolf Harris is playing, oh, and Status Quo.

The World Is Listening

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:47:00 +0000

Sometimes it's easy to be paranoid in this frequently bleak world of ours. Far simpler to think people are judging you every minute of every day, than no-one actually being arsed to. Just because the latter is the more likely does not make it the easier option.

At Foilface HQ we love judging people. We thrive off it. But we are also very wary of the whispers in the trees, the haunted gurgle of the river that sits beside our beloved studio and the watchful flap of herons at dawn. People love to hate and hate to love most of the time - it's how things work.

So, it came as no surprise on my walk home the other day, to find that nature has seemingly started listening to my moves (see the photo above). All I was doing was listening to a few bits of recent music on my shiny ipod and then I came across that. And I'm telling you - that patch of land was not fiddled with by me - that's the face of nature staring at you - and do you know what it's thinking?

It's thinking, "hmmm, I really like these Foilface fellas. They produce a fine example of 21st century progressive-post-punk-slacker-rock. I likes and I think others will too".

New English Music Ruined my Communion

noreply@blogger.com (Recent Music) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:28:00 +0000

A church-ridden tw@ in a tunic,
Was buzzing off new english music.
He listened to Truckers,
Whilst blessing some f***ers,
And stabbed us whilst ranting Tungusic.

Music for FREEEEEEEEEEE

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:21:00 +0000

For those of you who haven't visited our downloads page and are still unaware of our newly released (and first ever) EP, the magical, "Jean-Claude Naive". I am here to remind you that as of last week our first ever batch of tunes (6 in all) are out and available to DOWNLOAD FOR FREE.

All you have to do to get your hands on them is simply send a blank email to foilface-no-reply@live.co.uk and you’ll receive an instant auto-response containing a link to download the whole EP for FREE!

It's as simple as that! SIX FREE SLACKER ROCK TRACKS all ready to be given a new home and loved like a little doe-eyed puppy.

Don't let 'the man' tell you there's nothing in this world for FREE. He's wrong (and always has been).

THIS IS A FREE GIG!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Chaffinch Jones) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:15:00 +0000

Am I alone in my pissy-panted amusement concerning Noel Gallagher and his, "THIS IS A FREE GIG" u-turn?

Noel and his fellow Quoasis 'tards have long since stopped being truly rock n' roll and 'all about the music' - but this latest u-turn shows us what a money hungry twonk Gallagher Snr really is - posing as a man of the people one minute and then remembering he's got a Rolls Royce and a huge millionaires mansion to pay for the next.

Just over two weeks ago, Ol' Breshnev Brows offered Oasis fans a full refund after two major power cuts hit their opening show at Manchester's Heaton Park.

Problems arose early on in their set, after the generators broke down, forcing the band to leave the stage for around ten minutes. After returning and launching into the plodding dross of 'Lyla', the generators once again packed-in half-way through (in protest maybe?). This was followed by a mammoth forty minute wait, during which the 70,000 gig-goers, who had paid £45 each for a ticket, started to get uneasy and raucous.

Sensing an air of disappointment, upon returning, Noel shouted to the crowd, “Thank you very, very much, this is a free gig - let's f***ing have it! Anybody who has kept their ticket will get a full refund."

I remember reading about this at the time and thinking what a top bloke Noel must be and how maybe I was wrong to think that 99% of his musical offerings post-Definitely Maybe were complete and utter bobbins. I think I even thought briefly about going back and re-assessing "Be Here Now" ("maybe Marilyn Manson is right when he says it's amazing", I momentarily brain farted stupidly).

But no. Like Lennon and McCartney after The Beatles split, shrunk laundry, preparing a brew only to realise the milk is off and lesbians without tongues - it was all just a big pile of nonsense.

Two weeks have passed since that gig and twenty thousand people have now tried to get refunds. But Noel can't believe it. Not only that, he thinks they're, "cheeky c**ts" for taking him up on his offer!

Writing on the official Oasis website, Noel blathers, “It seems that around 20,000 of you have asked for a refund from that night at Heaton Park!! 20,000!! So you were genuinely disappointed? I don't recall seeing a 20,000 gap in the crowd. Cheeky c**ts! Tsk ..some people.”

Call me, Jean-Claude Naive but I reckon it's probably got something to do with the £900,000 bill he'd have to foot if he was true to his word - the slack-mouthed spunker.

Here's hoping he catches AIDS and dies... I mean the flu and feels a bit rough... or a bad cold and needs a lie down... ahhhh... actually I quite like him... good luck to you fella... you're great... you always have been... you're lovely...

Noel Gallagher, eh? He's a smashing bloke - really down to earth and sound and that...