“Where do I start? Foilface are Smile Like Fools, without the youth, wit, charm, and excellent songs. The mixes are awful, a silly lo-fi mish mash of mostly symbols and the old kitchen sink mentality. If you are aiming at an international market, you need clarity, and you dont have it here. Everything is up in the mix. Your ace card has to be the vocals, and these vocals are very poor, and in my opinion, badly double tracked to hide the lack of any real feel, and therefor the message is lost. However clever lyrically it is, they are lost on the average lead vocal. Pop is supposed to be fun, not complicated ‘clever’ arrangements. You need to focus on where you want to take this, and find a better singer. Who is your audience? Who would buy a 100,000 copies?  Forget the 50 songs, and write a bliding hit simple wonderful 3 chord wonder in two and a half mins!”

This latest Foilface review comes courtesy of a highly prolific and in-touch music promoter calling himself ‘Mickey Modern‘, who you’ve no doubt heard of. We thank him kindly for taking time out of his busy schedule to listen to and review our new music.

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Do you agree? Is Mickey on the money? Obviously anyone buying 100,000 copies would be quite stupid when all our music is available to download for free, but what about the other points?

Send us your review of our recent music and we’ll publish it here for the world to feast upon.

Us Foilface boys have been a little quiet of late, but fear not dear readers, we’ve not disappeared, broken up, died from miaow-miaow poisoning or embarked on new careers as fashion designers. We’ll leave that kind of bobbins to teenagers who don’t know their limits and Liam Gallagher.

No, we’ve just been a bit slack (this is slacker rock after all, is it not?). But all that’s about to change a bit. For starters, last Saturday we recorded a new tune. It’s a little noisy rock blast we’ve decided to call, ‘Gateway Not Found’ (press play to preview).

Imagine a colonic that blasts the visceral pulp of Liars, Future of the Left, Flowered Up, Guided by Voices and The Fall – and you’ll be 53% of the way there. I see the tune as a twisted commentary on anglo-french relations witnessed through the looking glass of teenage isolation. But in all honesty I’m more than happy if you think it’s just some semi-amusing babble, creme-brulle-ed all over a bowl of sinister skag-rock. It’s your call dear reader.

Pretty soon, we’re going to mix and master our first album. It’s going to be called ‘Till Then Amigo’ and will contain about 13 or 14 tunes (some of which you may have heard on these very pages – and a handful of which you won’t have). Stay patient…. not long now……..

Silent Fishnets is a journey into the darkened and car key swopping entrails of a high society, rich suburbanite party. All software millionnaires, oyster moist call girls, cocaine cougars and twisted evangelists. In part it licks from the same dog bowl as the 1989 film Society. The film is a bizarre, Lovecraftian spoof on the American upper classes, and if you haven’t seen it is well worth a watch – it will bend your head… and your guts.

The tune mixes that idea jism with glam rock, japanese manga hollering, Doors-ian lounge fuckery and a fistful of peanut M&Ms. Will it make the final cut of our (hopefully soon to be released) debut album? Stay tuned. Tunes are coming soooooon……..

With all that in mind…. GET SOME FOILFACE… IT’S STILL HERE… AND THERE’LL BE MORE ONE DAY SOON… AND IT WON’T WHIFF OF SONIC DOG SHIT… PROMISE…

Tell that to the Mariah Carey’s, Ronaldo’s, Simon Cowell’s and Ronald McDonald’s of this world and they will look at you like you’ve just asked them to griddle your cock cheese. With eyes darker than creosote and souls as empty as a female marathon runner’s bra they parade their populist sickness with glee. They are scum and we feed them like adorable kittens.

WHY? It’s simple. Some people are confused by moss metaphors.

Last weekend’s Sunday Mirror decided to spunk out this age old slogan (in their dire ‘Celeb’ mag) in order to shift a few extra copies (probably to retarded BNP voters in Yorkshire) and glory in the crop of new female singers we have warbling around our sacred shores.

To be fair the list was mildly impressive to a point – Florence Welch, VV Brown and at a push Little Boots too (although the hype has done her no favours – wasn’t she supposed to be quirky and fresh as opposed to derivitive and bland?). But Pixie Lott? Yeah, there are probably plenty of tabloid readers who would like to make the glossy magazine pages stick together given half a chance – but the marketing is so transparent I’m at a loss. Hot pants. Loads of them. That’s it. And it’s working. Shame on you Britain! I would say, ‘Not in my name’ – but that’d probably be taking things a bit too far.

Two names relegated to just a small end blurb in the feature were the beautifully melancholic Laura Marling (you should have all heard of her by now) and the lesser known Marina & The Diamonds (although as some of you may know, there are no Diamonds, just Marina). I’ve not heard a lot but what I have heard sounds both commercial and quite good (rare bedfellows) – a little bit Joni Mitchell here and a little bit Kate Bush there (although that’s a bit crass and obvious – sorry). Keep an ear out for her – she’s miles better than La Roux and doesn’t seem keen on pretending the mid-80′s were ace either (they weren’t, they were shit).

None of them are as good as the ladies Foilface got to sing on ‘Pussyfoot’ and ‘Truckers’ though. Those girls have got some serious pipes on ‘em. Check out the tunes if you don’t believe me.

Conclusion – fuck the all sloganeering and hype and dig a little deeper…

Having an involuntary love of all things Foilface – and indeed foil-faced – myself and fellow ‘facer, Duncan Ratters, had to purchase and devour this foil-clad cow the minute we laid eyes on it. Only thing is, we didn’t get any further than this from sheer guilt – look how sad a sight he is with no more legs

We’re now thinking of starting a foundation for abused foil-faced cows. The only trouble is that our recent music 2 download is free, so we need some help – please send us loads of massive donations so we can buy all the foil-faced chocolate cows in the country and ‘look after’ them.