By Bro. Jo Stern, on July 7th, 2009
 I was doing some random camping in a non-specific field during the disturbingly fine UK weather last week, when my Foilface free ringtone blasted out from my pocket, violently raping the tranquility of the whole picture.
I was distracted from my shame by the surprise of seeing this little Alpaca fella react by running a good distance across an adjoining field towards me with clear intent. At first, I thought he may have been offended and intend to take revenge on my nether regions, but no – he ran all the way over just to stop and listen to Foilface. There can be no arguement; Alpacas dig quality recent music.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 30th, 2009
 In the middle of the night when you’re zoned,
Just thinking, drinking,
Sinking into another man’s sofa,
On the brink of something happening,
You’re just reckoning that this can’t be the future
As your tutor is waiting to tell you something,
Anything that will alleviate the boredom,
No-one famous ever came from Milton Keynes,
All your dreams are just puddles left from the storms,
You’re just horny,
But then again maybe it’s this pill drink.
When the summer of your days are just a blaze
In a haze of Australians dying,
Lying on your back sweaty cracked,
Double-tracked like your life is running oh so parallel
To the surprising rising of a thousand backwoodsmen,
It’s kiss and tell, it’s wishing wells,
It’s the real hell of another man’s empty cellar,
No good stories ever came from Stoke-On-Trent,
You’re bent out of shape and hating people,
You’re evil, but then again,
At least you’ve got your pill drink.
No-one erotic ever came from East Kilbride,
You’re wide-eyed and unnecessary,
This is a very, very bad thing,
But at least you’ve got your pill drink.
When there’s someone in the background of every supermarket
Shouting words like, ‘semester’ and, ‘vacation’,
You know that they’re the kind of people
Who pay for empty cartons at the end of their shop
‘Cause they’ve eaten everything,
They treat it like a day out,
They treat it like an adventure,
They invite you around their house
To watch re-runs of Birds of a Feather,
They send you video messages to your phone
Of inbreds chain-sawing the heads off pigs,
They shove both thumbs up,
Smiling.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 25th, 2009
 THE KING OF POP IS DEAD…
The fresh from the bakers oven news concerning the death of the consistently peculiar plasticine mannequin, Michael Jackson has got me thinking about the future of music.
Since Foilface mixed their first EP, two or three months ago (the magical and strange, Jean-Claude Naive) important musical icons have started dying in their droves.
We’ve had Manchester’s very own Johnny Roadhouse, Randy Cain of The Delfonics, Ink Spots singer Huey Long, Soft Machine bassist Hugh Hopper, Motown drummer Uriel Jones, the producer of Massive Attack’s brilliant ‘Blue Lines’ album – Jonny Dollar, Steppenwolf’s Kent Henry, Ean Evans – bass player with Lynyrd Skynyrd and now, hugest of the huge, ‘THE KING OF POP’ HIMSELF – MICHAEL JACKSON.
Maybe it’s a sign. Are these people making way for the mighty Foilface? Is the musical relay baton being passed? Who knows. But I bet you one thing – they’ll be a whole load of Wacko Jacko covers being played this weekend at Glastonbury.
I’d personally like to see Bruce Springsteen belting out ‘Billie Jean’ and maybe Rolf Harris wobbling out a cover of ‘Earth Song’ (“What about the elephants – a-hum-tiddy-hum-tiddy-hum” - how good would that be?).
All jokes aside it’s a sad moment. Jackson has left big footprints all over the history of modern music and we’ll probably never see someone as famous and popular as him ever again.
So why not celebrate his memory by listening to some Foilface. Some good, honest slacker-rock. It’s way better than listening to ‘Thriller’ for the 6,643 time and it certainly beats standing in a muddy field in some over-priced wellies, listening to Shed Seven holler out a re-worked, ‘Man in the Mirror’ or Kasabian murdering, “Ben”.
The very thought of such horrors is enough to give me a heart-attack!
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 24th, 2009
 Sometimes it’s easy to be paranoid in this frequently bleak world of ours. Far simpler to think people are judging you every minute of every day, than no-one actually being arsed to. Just because the latter is the more likely does not make it the easier option.
At Foilface HQ we love judging people. We thrive off it. But we are also very wary of the whispers in the trees, the haunted gurgle of the river that sits beside our beloved studio and the watchful flap of herons at dawn. People love to hate and hate to love most of the time – it’s how things work.
So, it came as no surprise on my walk home the other day, to find that nature has seemingly started listening to my moves (see the photo above). All I was doing was listening to a few bits of recent music on my shiny ipod and then I came across that. And I’m telling you – that patch of land was not fiddled with by me – that’s the face of nature staring at you – and do you know what it’s thinking?
It’s thinking, “hmmm, I really like these Foilface fellas. They produce a fine example of 21st century progressive-post-punk-slacker-rock. I likes and I think others will too”.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 22nd, 2009
 For those of you who haven’t visited our downloads page and are still unaware of our newly released (and first ever) EP, the magical, “Jean-Claude Naive”. I am here to remind you that as of last week our first ever batch of tunes (6 in all) are out and available to DOWNLOAD FOR FREE.
SIX FREE SLACKER ROCK TRACKS all ready to be given a new home and loved like a little doe-eyed puppy.
Don’t let ‘the man’ tell you there’s nothing in this world for FREE. He’s wrong (and always has been).
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 22nd, 2009
 Am I alone in my pissy-panted amusement concerning Noel Gallagher and his, “THIS IS A FREE GIG“ u-turn?
Noel and his fellow Quoasis ‘tards have long since stopped being truly rock n’ roll and ‘all about the music’ – but this latest u-turn shows us what a money hungry twonk Gallagher Snr really is – posing as a man of the people one minute and then remembering he’s got a Rolls Royce and a huge millionaires mansion to pay for the next.
Just over two weeks ago, Ol’ Breshnev Brows offered Oasis fans a full refund after two major power cuts hit their opening show at Manchester’s Heaton Park.
Problems arose early on in their set, after the generators broke down, forcing the band to leave the stage for around ten minutes. After returning and launching into the plodding dross of ‘Lyla’, the generators once again packed-in half-way through (in protest maybe?). This was followed by a mammoth forty minute wait, during which the 70,000 gig-goers, who had paid £45 each for a ticket, started to get uneasy and raucous.
Sensing an air of disappointment, upon returning, Noel shouted to the crowd, “Thank you very, very much, this is a free gig – let’s f***ing have it! Anybody who has kept their ticket will get a full refund.”
I remember reading about this at the time and thinking what a top bloke Noel must be and how maybe I was wrong to think that 99% of his musical offerings post-Definitely Maybe were complete and utter bobbins. I think I even thought briefly about going back and re-assessing “Be Here Now” (“maybe Marilyn Manson is right when he says it’s amazing”, I momentarily brain farted stupidly).
But no. Like Lennon and McCartney after The Beatles split, shrunk laundry, preparing a brew only to realise the milk is off and lesbians without tongues – it was all just a big pile of nonsense.
Two weeks have passed since that gig and twenty thousand people have now tried to get refunds. But Noel can’t believe it. Not only that, he thinks they’re, “cheeky c**ts” for taking him up on his offer!
Writing on the official Oasis website, Noel blathers, “It seems that around 20,000 of you have asked for a refund from that night at Heaton Park!! 20,000!! So you were genuinely disappointed? I don’t recall seeing a 20,000 gap in the crowd. Cheeky c**ts! Tsk ..some people.”
Call me, Jean-Claude Naive but I reckon it’s probably got something to do with the £900,000 bill he’d have to foot if he was true to his word – the slack-mouthed spunker.
Here’s hoping he catches AIDS and dies… I mean the flu and feels a bit rough… or a bad cold and needs a lie down… ahhhh… actually I quite like him… good luck to you fella… you’re great… you always have been… you’re lovely…
Noel Gallagher, eh? He’s a smashing bloke – really down to earth and sound and that…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 21st, 2009
 If you type new music into Google, you’ll probably get exactly what you’re looking for. But I’m half way through a smoke-and-brew-ponder, and I’m mulling over just exactly what deserves to be labelled with this term.
To anyone with an eye on the latest uk releases, it won’t have gone unnoticed that many record companies now seem to crap themselves if a band tries to do anything that sounds notably different to their last successful single – instead favouring the production of ‘new’ material to follow some sort of recipe, resulting in each new release sounding remarkably like the last one (I won’t start naming and shaming – I’ll be here all day).
Luckily for Foilface, we only release the tunes we like, when and how we want by doing it ourselves – like so many other successful bands do nowadays – so we’re not beholden to fat dickheads who would only ever pay any attention to their artists’ lyrics if they contained phrases like “commercial viability” or “loyalty purchasing”. We like to think that this is reflected in our genuinely new music – ie. the tracks can actually be distinguished from one another when you’re listening from a distance.
Our new EP, Jean-Claude Naive, is a great example – feel free to disagree, of course. All opinions are very welcome here.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 19th, 2009
 Remember awhile back when loads of twats were coming out of the woodwork and having a go at your ‘favourite Mancunian band’, because of our glorious moniker? Pricks like Spoilface, Toilface and Boilface. Dickheads trying to jump on our slacker-rock bandwagon in order to get a little nibble of cyber-publicity. Well, fortunately that little trend seems to of fucked off for now.
But as one problem subsides another rears it’s maggot suckling head. Yes, the Foilface reputation is now in danger of being tarnished by a bizarre new terrorist organisation, known simply as, D.A.T – or the Dead Animal Terrorists.
These clowns have started leaving a variety of dead animals outside the offices of some of Manchester’s most popular bands with little speech bubbles beside them (Mark E. Smith, for one, was not amused by his gift of a deceased kestral and the words, “STOP SLURRING YOUR WORDS TEABAG FACE”).
I wouldn’t personally be arsed were it not for the fact that the bum-munchers are seemingly doing it in OUR name. The tools are either pretending to be us or are so infatuated with our music that they feel the need to threaten other Mancunian bands on our behalf.
If it’s the latter, it’s flattering, but in all honesty I’d prefer it if they just handed out some leaflets for us or directed people to our lovely new website. Dumping dead birds on people’s doorsteps just isn’t on really. Thanks and all that, but please stop it.
And as for called yourselves ‘Terrorists’ – dropping lifeless crows outside Noel Gallagher’s mum’s house on a Friday morning in June is hardly the new 9/11 now is it? You silly little turds…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 18th, 2009
 Long before the birth of this here internet and the mp3 revolution that spawned the now endless availability of music 2 download, these guys (Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood, for anyone who’s new to the planet) were knocking out many pleasing sounds that still get a healthy amount of air time today.
Although it’s just not considered ‘cool’ these days, Clapton is still up there on my guitar hero list and I enjoy the occasional over-indulgent bending of notes on my old black and white Strat in homage.
Clapton has always had that look of being just a bit too into it when he performs, but this snap from his latest “See ‘em While They’re Still Standing” tour, puts me in mind of the agony I once saw on my dad’s face the moment his back gave out whilst carrying some heavy paving slabs. Is it all getting a bit much for Eric?
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 9th, 2009
 We’ve beavered away and finally got some kind of site together that we’re quite pleased with. There’s plenty yet to add as things progress, but at least we’ve got something decent to be going on with and – more importantly – you can now listen to and download the brand new Jean-Claude Naive EP from Foilface in it’s entirety for free! There’s also a cool Pussyfoot ringtone you can help yourself to for free. So, grab some great new music for free and get your free ringtone rocking right now.
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I was doing some random camping in a non-specific field during the disturbingly fine UK weather last week, when my Foilface free ringtone blasted out from my pocket, violently raping the tranquility of the whole picture.
