By Duncan Ratters, on May 5th, 2010
Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!
Us Foilface boys have been a little quiet of late, but fear not dear readers, we’ve not disappeared, broken up, died from miaow-miaow poisoning or embarked on new careers as fashion designers. We’ll leave that kind of bobbins to teenagers who don’t know their limits and Liam Gallagher.
No, we’ve just been a bit slack (this is slacker rock after all, is it not?). But all that’s about to change a bit. For starters, last Saturday we recorded a new tune. It’s a little noisy rock blast we’ve decided to call, ‘Gateway Not Found’ (press play to preview).
Imagine a colonic that blasts the visceral pulp of Liars, Future of the Left, Flowered Up, Guided by Voices and The Fall – and you’ll be 53% of the way there. I see the tune as a twisted commentary on anglo-french relations witnessed through the looking glass of teenage isolation. But in all honesty I’m more than happy if you think it’s just some semi-amusing babble, creme-brulle-ed all over a bowl of sinister skag-rock. It’s your call dear reader.
Pretty soon, we’re going to mix and master our first album. It’s going to be called ‘Till Then Amigo’ and will contain about 13 or 14 tunes (some of which you may have heard on these very pages – and a handful of which you won’t have). Stay patient…. not long now……..
By Bro. Jo Stern, on October 17th, 2009
 80′s revivals, golf rock, twins in matching outfits, ironic jerry curls, happy glue-sniff-bleep-core phone jingles, gonzo street dance yoghurt wig-wam happenings, Sinitta…. we really do need to wipe the shit off the streets sometimes don’t we? It’s like second hand fish sex monitored by robots and Deirdre Rachid (nee Barlow). The AIDS peppered rot of cultural confetti clogging drains and blocking rational thought.
With all that in mind…. GET SOME FOILFACE… IT’S STILL HERE… AND THERE’LL BE MORE ONE DAY SOON… AND IT WON’T WHIFF OF SONIC DOG SHIT… PROMISE…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 30th, 2009
 In the middle of the night when you’re zoned,
Just thinking, drinking,
Sinking into another man’s sofa,
On the brink of something happening,
You’re just reckoning that this can’t be the future
As your tutor is waiting to tell you something,
Anything that will alleviate the boredom,
No-one famous ever came from Milton Keynes,
All your dreams are just puddles left from the storms,
You’re just horny,
But then again maybe it’s this pill drink.
When the summer of your days are just a blaze
In a haze of Australians dying,
Lying on your back sweaty cracked,
Double-tracked like your life is running oh so parallel
To the surprising rising of a thousand backwoodsmen,
It’s kiss and tell, it’s wishing wells,
It’s the real hell of another man’s empty cellar,
No good stories ever came from Stoke-On-Trent,
You’re bent out of shape and hating people,
You’re evil, but then again,
At least you’ve got your pill drink.
No-one erotic ever came from East Kilbride,
You’re wide-eyed and unnecessary,
This is a very, very bad thing,
But at least you’ve got your pill drink.
When there’s someone in the background of every supermarket
Shouting words like, ‘semester’ and, ‘vacation’,
You know that they’re the kind of people
Who pay for empty cartons at the end of their shop
‘Cause they’ve eaten everything,
They treat it like a day out,
They treat it like an adventure,
They invite you around their house
To watch re-runs of Birds of a Feather,
They send you video messages to your phone
Of inbreds chain-sawing the heads off pigs,
They shove both thumbs up,
Smiling.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 24th, 2009
 Sometimes it’s easy to be paranoid in this frequently bleak world of ours. Far simpler to think people are judging you every minute of every day, than no-one actually being arsed to. Just because the latter is the more likely does not make it the easier option.
At Foilface HQ we love judging people. We thrive off it. But we are also very wary of the whispers in the trees, the haunted gurgle of the river that sits beside our beloved studio and the watchful flap of herons at dawn. People love to hate and hate to love most of the time – it’s how things work.
So, it came as no surprise on my walk home the other day, to find that nature has seemingly started listening to my moves (see the photo above). All I was doing was listening to a few bits of recent music on my shiny ipod and then I came across that. And I’m telling you – that patch of land was not fiddled with by me – that’s the face of nature staring at you – and do you know what it’s thinking?
It’s thinking, “hmmm, I really like these Foilface fellas. They produce a fine example of 21st century progressive-post-punk-slacker-rock. I likes and I think others will too”.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 22nd, 2009
 For those of you who haven’t visited our downloads page and are still unaware of our newly released (and first ever) EP, the magical, “Jean-Claude Naive”. I am here to remind you that as of last week our first ever batch of tunes (6 in all) are out and available to DOWNLOAD FOR FREE.
SIX FREE SLACKER ROCK TRACKS all ready to be given a new home and loved like a little doe-eyed puppy.
Don’t let ‘the man’ tell you there’s nothing in this world for FREE. He’s wrong (and always has been).
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 22nd, 2009
 Am I alone in my pissy-panted amusement concerning Noel Gallagher and his, “THIS IS A FREE GIG“ u-turn?
Noel and his fellow Quoasis ‘tards have long since stopped being truly rock n’ roll and ‘all about the music’ – but this latest u-turn shows us what a money hungry twonk Gallagher Snr really is – posing as a man of the people one minute and then remembering he’s got a Rolls Royce and a huge millionaires mansion to pay for the next.
Just over two weeks ago, Ol’ Breshnev Brows offered Oasis fans a full refund after two major power cuts hit their opening show at Manchester’s Heaton Park.
Problems arose early on in their set, after the generators broke down, forcing the band to leave the stage for around ten minutes. After returning and launching into the plodding dross of ‘Lyla’, the generators once again packed-in half-way through (in protest maybe?). This was followed by a mammoth forty minute wait, during which the 70,000 gig-goers, who had paid £45 each for a ticket, started to get uneasy and raucous.
Sensing an air of disappointment, upon returning, Noel shouted to the crowd, “Thank you very, very much, this is a free gig – let’s f***ing have it! Anybody who has kept their ticket will get a full refund.”
I remember reading about this at the time and thinking what a top bloke Noel must be and how maybe I was wrong to think that 99% of his musical offerings post-Definitely Maybe were complete and utter bobbins. I think I even thought briefly about going back and re-assessing “Be Here Now” (“maybe Marilyn Manson is right when he says it’s amazing”, I momentarily brain farted stupidly).
But no. Like Lennon and McCartney after The Beatles split, shrunk laundry, preparing a brew only to realise the milk is off and lesbians without tongues – it was all just a big pile of nonsense.
Two weeks have passed since that gig and twenty thousand people have now tried to get refunds. But Noel can’t believe it. Not only that, he thinks they’re, “cheeky c**ts” for taking him up on his offer!
Writing on the official Oasis website, Noel blathers, “It seems that around 20,000 of you have asked for a refund from that night at Heaton Park!! 20,000!! So you were genuinely disappointed? I don’t recall seeing a 20,000 gap in the crowd. Cheeky c**ts! Tsk ..some people.”
Call me, Jean-Claude Naive but I reckon it’s probably got something to do with the £900,000 bill he’d have to foot if he was true to his word – the slack-mouthed spunker.
Here’s hoping he catches AIDS and dies… I mean the flu and feels a bit rough… or a bad cold and needs a lie down… ahhhh… actually I quite like him… good luck to you fella… you’re great… you always have been… you’re lovely…
Noel Gallagher, eh? He’s a smashing bloke – really down to earth and sound and that…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on June 19th, 2009
 Remember awhile back when loads of twats were coming out of the woodwork and having a go at your ‘favourite Mancunian band’, because of our glorious moniker? Pricks like Spoilface, Toilface and Boilface. Dickheads trying to jump on our slacker-rock bandwagon in order to get a little nibble of cyber-publicity. Well, fortunately that little trend seems to of fucked off for now.
But as one problem subsides another rears it’s maggot suckling head. Yes, the Foilface reputation is now in danger of being tarnished by a bizarre new terrorist organisation, known simply as, D.A.T – or the Dead Animal Terrorists.
These clowns have started leaving a variety of dead animals outside the offices of some of Manchester’s most popular bands with little speech bubbles beside them (Mark E. Smith, for one, was not amused by his gift of a deceased kestral and the words, “STOP SLURRING YOUR WORDS TEABAG FACE”).
I wouldn’t personally be arsed were it not for the fact that the bum-munchers are seemingly doing it in OUR name. The tools are either pretending to be us or are so infatuated with our music that they feel the need to threaten other Mancunian bands on our behalf.
If it’s the latter, it’s flattering, but in all honesty I’d prefer it if they just handed out some leaflets for us or directed people to our lovely new website. Dumping dead birds on people’s doorsteps just isn’t on really. Thanks and all that, but please stop it.
And as for called yourselves ‘Terrorists’ – dropping lifeless crows outside Noel Gallagher’s mum’s house on a Friday morning in June is hardly the new 9/11 now is it? You silly little turds…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on May 14th, 2009
 Whilst still in a mildly foetal form (until the soon to be released new EP busts forth that is), Foilface have already garnered their first ‘mentally unhinged fan’.
Known only as ‘Mystomunch’, the charming chappy emailed this lovely photo over to us with a simple message – “Dear Foilface, Eat the young, Lots of love Mystomunch x”.
I’m not totally sure what he’s trying to get at – is he saying Foilface are old? Is he advocating kiddy murder as a form of musical advancement? Or is he just a messy eater with a penchant for lamb and veal?
Whatever his message, it’s good to have him onboard. Let’s just hope he doesn’t do any of that Mark Chapman type nonsense. The Foilface agenda is simple – make top tunes to excite people’s ears. Nutters are just a bonus…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on May 8th, 2009
 Sore throat? Excessive coughing? Shortness of breath? Headache? Chills? Loss of appetite? Feverish?
If you’re suffering from all of the above the chances are you need a bit of Foilface in your life. Bookmark this page and get ready for news on how you can get hold of the ‘soon to be released’ six track EP, Jean-Claude Naive for FREE.
If you’re on the hunt for new music that’s got a bit more snot than the usual dry-nosed bollocks you’re tired of listening to, have a pre-release listen to the new stuff here and enjoy. The revolution is almost upon us.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on May 6th, 2009
 Dreaming is easy. But have you ever dreamt a dream in which you’re sleeping and having a dream? I call it the dream loop-hole? I have had dreams where I’ve been asleep and dreamt inside my dream. These dreams within dreams have then come true.
What does all this mean? Well, the next time you turn on MTV and listen to some clown rambling on about how they’ve been ‘blessed’ – remember this – they are not blessed – they’ve either worked very hard, had influential friends and family or found themselves the benefactors of that lovely random thing called luck (or a healthy smattering of all three).
And if you think none of this makes sense (especially the dreams bit) – then you’re probably half right. What is a certainty is that this is Foilface’s 50th blog. It doesn’t need to make total sense (a bit like dreams, good fortune and great music), it’s just happened…
|
|
