By Bro. Jo Stern, on May 5th, 2009
 Last night heralded another top session down the Foilface bunker. Vocals were laid down for a new tune called, “A Fine Bromance” (think Field Music meets Polytechnic via Built To Spill and you’re nine fifteenths of the way there) and a entirely new song was created from scratch called, “Like a Buffalo” (or maybe “The Proviso”). The latter tune is a pretty hard one to describe – the closest I can come up with is, The Beta Band meets The Flying Pickets via Folk Implosion – so mush that into a mental sonic meatball and digest.
In other Foilface news, the band are now just a few weeks away from a release date for the first EP, Jean-Claude Naive. The website is about to be updated and wonkified and the EP artwork is in production. Bookmark this page in your favourites and you’ll be the first to find out when it’s released (and you can find out how to download it for FREE). That’s FREE music to download and it don’t get better than that…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 28th, 2009
 Late last week scientists proved (without doubt) that the best food to eat whilst listening to the recent music howlings of Foilface, was the good old ‘Kebab’. I personally like a nice simple chicken tikka effort on naan bread with plenty of salad and sauce. They’re satisfying, spicy, stodgy and honest. Bit like Foilface.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 27th, 2009
 I would print the lyrics to this one – but as they’re basically just, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Pussyfoot!”, all I’d be doing is counting ‘heys’ and wasting my time.
If you liked the initial mix of, ‘Pussyfoot’ then you’ll be pleased to know that our first EP, “Jean-Claude Naive” is mixed and nearly ready to unleash. If you want to get your hands on a copy as soon as it’s released send then contact us. Hopefully you’ll agree that an email address is a more than acceptable swap for a free six track EP (in mp3 format). This is nothing other than it seems – we only want your email address so that we can tell you stuff, like when the next EP is out, for example. We promise not to share your email with anyone else or pepper you with emails.
For all you hardcopy lovers out there, you’ll also be pleased to know that we’ll also be releasing a limited run of the EP on CD. We haven’t got a release date for our recent music slacker rock attacks as yet – but it’s going to be VERY soon.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 25th, 2009
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 24th, 2009
 Sweet Lord, am I really here,
Or is someone just pulling my heartstrings?
Cause they’ve snapped
And I’m back on the track
That keeps leading to cracks
In the pavement,
Your little words are breaking me.
The end, I have seen my friend
And it lends its face well to vengeance,
You spend all my patience quick
But the trick is to swear that you need me,
Greedy, bleed me dry, I sigh, you lead,
Oh your little words are breaking me.
Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)
(Wig-Out)
Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)
So here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes,
Here comes reality,
I’m off the track, I’m on my back, sharp as a tack, I take it back,
Here comes monotony,
Where you gonna go when you feel the rain?
Whose gonna listen when you start to complain?
What you gonna do when they drive you insane?
Why are you poking your life down the drain?
Talk back!!!
Stay tuned for more lyrics from the recent music vaults of Manchester’s newest slacker rock afficionados, Foilface….
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 18th, 2009
 I love stupid world records – and it doesn’t get much more stupid than the record for the amount of snails you can put on your face (25 – go on count ‘em).
Far be it for me to mock (especially not on this occassion) – I’m far too accepting of such things. I’ve also got no world records (although I may possibly have a bit of athletes foot on the big toe of my right foot and a half eaten sandwiche in the kitchen).
The great news concerning the world recording breaking snails on a face photo on your right is that the young nine year old in question (Tiana Wilson) is a massive fan of Foilface and once listened to ‘Pussyfoot’ in it’s entirety (that’s 2 mins and 31 seconds) on Last FM whilst balancing a non-record breaking 17 snails on her face. She loves us and so do the snails.
Speaking to some reporter at some point she reckoned that snails really liked ramshackled slacker rock music played by men that smell of beer and crisps. It supposedly makes them stickier (no giggling all you SITC fans!).
So, ‘nine year old record breakers’ and ‘snails’ love Foilface. If that’s not the headline on a soon to be released Foilface Press Release, then I’m a cock.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 16th, 2009
 I left my whistle by the canapés,
This age I’ve found myself in
Is made out of concrete boulevards,
I find my way out punching bodyguards,
Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time I had worms?
This is a really bad second date,
I’ve poured my guts out and I’m crying hard,
If there were rules I reckon they’d all be corpses in a lonely pit,
Counting buttons and they’re cluttered by confusing shit.
I break myself into pieces
And I hand myself out to lonely lepers,
Claire is a very good, a very good swimmer,
She’s hyperactive and she’s insecure,
If you tell here she’s the only one
She probably bake some cakes
And suck you till you’re dry.
She’s an only child and her parents are separated
I’ll bet she’ll be elated if you break her down –
She is a cake with squirty cream.
Keep your eyes on these pages for more Foilface lyrics and recent music news and nonsense…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 26th, 2009
 Ever wondered how all these bust-ups come about on the UK music scene? Well, it turns out they’re not all down to Max Clifford and the pop-grot column inches machine.
Details have recently been released of one man’s subversive crusade to bring the UK music industry to it’s knees via the highly-proven playground method of ‘juxta-sleeze’ and ‘counter-slagging’.
Known simply as ‘Embroilface’, his musical bitching campaign peaked in the mid 90s when he seized an opportunist moment in a Manchester bar to bring about the fall of Take That. Embroilface approached Gary Barlow in his usual charming manner, and the two became very comfortable chatting over a few shandies. The musical fantasist then slipped out a tale about the time he had been UFO spotting with Robbie Williams, during which he claimed Robbie had spoken about Gary’s mum, referring to her as “tramp tits” and adding: “I’ve had her. She was crap.”
Punctutating the shocking revelation with his trademark face stance, he gleefully watched as Gary shuffled off to the toilets where he spent the rest of the night crying and plotting his revenge. But Embroilface wasted no time; he was already at home splicing up the secret recordings he had just made of Gary speaking, until he was able to send an anonymous MP3 to Robbie Williams which he had geniously edited to say: “You’re – not – great. You are – scampi fries and a pink gin. I’ve always thought of Robbie as – fag machine around here.”
Within 24 hours, there was a mass hair-pulling fest, and the legendary split was afoot.
These days, the work of Embroilface is much easier, thanks to the explosion of sites offering music 2 download, where a few bitchy text comments seem to satisfy his bizarre compulsion. Look out for him when you’re perusing the latest recent music releases, and if he starts calling your mum, you can officially consider yourself of musical importance (unless your mum just is a bike or summit).
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 24th, 2009
 There’s a lot of scary stuff in this here world of ours. People who sodomise horses, Elvis Presley impersonators, vampire donkeys, marmite, Nicholas Witchell, volcanoes, emo kids with guns, Pauline Quirke, raw egg drinks – the list is far to long to print here in full.
About six or seven foot down the official scroll of scary stuff in this here world of ours (the list is written in Times New Roman, font size 12) is a strange Manchester based artist called Snide.
I call him Terrapin because it sounds good and he regularly appears in damp shadows, snapping and barking at strangers like he’s chewing on pine cones.
He’s got some lovely music mind you (even if just a whiff of schnapps can make this normally very pleasant individual slip into a pair of barbed wire suspenders and yelp bile like a crazed necromancer in prison). Here’s a downloadable version of his cover of The Abodes, ‘Why My God’. Think comprehensible Mark E Smith meets Massive Attack via early Adam Green and your vaguely nearby…
(MP3) Snide – Why My God
He’s got a MySpace site too. Check it out…
http://www.myspace.com/snidehowkins
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 24th, 2009
 We received this email and picture today, from ‘Toilface’:
“Foilface. I find your recent music to be indeed most pleasant. But I don’t really approve of you having such a similar name to me. I have worked the land for nigh on two score years and ten to earn my name. What have you done? Probably eaten a few too many toffees and recorded your excitement.”
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Last night heralded another top session down the Foilface bunker. Vocals were laid down for a new tune called, “A Fine Bromance” (think Field Music meets Polytechnic via Built To Spill and you’re nine fifteenths of the way there) and a entirely new song was created from scratch called, “Like a Buffalo” (or maybe “The Proviso”). The latter tune is a pretty hard one to describe – the closest I can come up with is, The Beta Band meets The Flying Pickets via Folk Implosion – so mush that into a mental sonic meatball and digest.
