By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 24th, 2009
 Sweet Lord, am I really here,
Or is someone just pulling my heartstrings?
Cause they’ve snapped
And I’m back on the track
That keeps leading to cracks
In the pavement,
Your little words are breaking me.
The end, I have seen my friend
And it lends its face well to vengeance,
You spend all my patience quick
But the trick is to swear that you need me,
Greedy, bleed me dry, I sigh, you lead,
Oh your little words are breaking me.
Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)
(Wig-Out)
Break in, break in, so I can break out, break out (x4)
So here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes,
Here comes reality,
I’m off the track, I’m on my back, sharp as a tack, I take it back,
Here comes monotony,
Where you gonna go when you feel the rain?
Whose gonna listen when you start to complain?
What you gonna do when they drive you insane?
Why are you poking your life down the drain?
Talk back!!!
Stay tuned for more lyrics from the recent music vaults of Manchester’s newest slacker rock afficionados, Foilface….
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 18th, 2009
 I love stupid world records – and it doesn’t get much more stupid than the record for the amount of snails you can put on your face (25 – go on count ‘em).
Far be it for me to mock (especially not on this occassion) – I’m far too accepting of such things. I’ve also got no world records (although I may possibly have a bit of athletes foot on the big toe of my right foot and a half eaten sandwiche in the kitchen).
The great news concerning the world recording breaking snails on a face photo on your right is that the young nine year old in question (Tiana Wilson) is a massive fan of Foilface and once listened to ‘Pussyfoot’ in it’s entirety (that’s 2 mins and 31 seconds) on Last FM whilst balancing a non-record breaking 17 snails on her face. She loves us and so do the snails.
Speaking to some reporter at some point she reckoned that snails really liked ramshackled slacker rock music played by men that smell of beer and crisps. It supposedly makes them stickier (no giggling all you SITC fans!).
So, ‘nine year old record breakers’ and ‘snails’ love Foilface. If that’s not the headline on a soon to be released Foilface Press Release, then I’m a cock.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on April 16th, 2009
 I left my whistle by the canapés,
This age I’ve found myself in
Is made out of concrete boulevards,
I find my way out punching bodyguards,
Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time?
Did I tell you about the time I had worms?
This is a really bad second date,
I’ve poured my guts out and I’m crying hard,
If there were rules I reckon they’d all be corpses in a lonely pit,
Counting buttons and they’re cluttered by confusing shit.
I break myself into pieces
And I hand myself out to lonely lepers,
Claire is a very good, a very good swimmer,
She’s hyperactive and she’s insecure,
If you tell here she’s the only one
She probably bake some cakes
And suck you till you’re dry.
She’s an only child and her parents are separated
I’ll bet she’ll be elated if you break her down –
She is a cake with squirty cream.
Keep your eyes on these pages for more Foilface lyrics and recent music news and nonsense…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 13th, 2009
 I have a tune here, ready to be uncovered and swooned to. Its a lovely acoustic cover of Aha’s seminal 80′s track ‘Take On Me’ (no giggling, it’s a top tune – yes it is! Stop pretending to be cool).
The question is – who is Cubass? All I know is that he’s only ever recorded one tune, likes snickers and lives somewhere near Manchester. He’s like the Lord Lucan of alt-acoustic loveliness. Here’s the tune:-
(MP3) Cubass – Take On Me
Rumour has it, he’s a big fan of Foilface. That said, he’s also supposedly a big fan of Mama Mia and Mariah Carey, so there’s no accounting for taste….
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 9th, 2009
 I totally understand how annoying social networking sites like Facebook can be. And as for all the applications – stuff like software that makes your nose wiggle on photos, people sending pictures of fruit-baskets to each other and setting up Lorraine Kelly Fan Groups – do people really need that kind of fluff in their lives?
That said, I have recently witnessed a mildly amusing new idea/trend on Facebook, namely the instant-fictional-album-cover fad. For those not in the know, you pick a random wikepedia page heading to use a your band name, then a random quote from a quotes website (the last four or five words generally). Then hop onto a photo hosting site like flickr and pick the first photo you stumble across. Piece them together in something like Photoshop and hey presto – fictional album cover
It’s utter bobbins but mildly amusing (and kind of eerie) as my example here shows. That said, it really is much better to actually make a real album.
Which Foilface will endeavour to do once we’ve finished mixing our first few EPs. Watch this space…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 3rd, 2009
 As Kilgore has splattered below, things are progressing nicely in Foilface world and in a few months time we should have a few EPs finished off.
Another tune was gently wafted out on Saturday and the current lack of a name for the track (I remember it as ‘Sour City Gin Song’ – but only because they’re the first words sung) has got me to wondering about the naming of songs, EPs and album titles as a whole.
Probably my favourite album of all time, Love – Forever Changes, benefits from not only having great tunes but top song titles (The Good Humor Man He Sees Everything Like This, A House Is Not a Motel, Andmoreagain etc) and a great, mystical, late-60′s sounding album title too. In my world (and in Google world too, I guess) a great title is a definite bonus.
For instance, I first listened to Gorky’s Zygotic Mynki, not because someone had recommended them to me or because I’d stumbled across their sound in a record shop. No – they had a funny name and seemed worth a punt. I’d have discovered them at some point, but their name speeded up the process. And if this seems fickle I don’t care, because it doesn’t end there.
I first heard New York art-rockers, Liars after listening to one of their albums purely because it had a great name. The album in question was, ‘They Threw Us All In A Trench And Stuck A Monument On Top’ – it’s a great album. The verbosity of their song and album titles (also see – They Were Wrong, So We Drowned and The Other Side of Mount Heart Attack) may not be intentionally designed to pull people in (is that naive?) but that’s what happened with me.
Earlier, I briefly leafed through some of the albums and EPs I have on itunes and this love of EP and album titles had me relistening to treats by Gorky’s Zygotic Mynki (Ambler Gambler EP), Why? (Elephant Eyelash), Edan (Beauty & the Beat), Stereolab (Emperor Tomato Ketchup), Pavement (Slanted & Enchanted) and Neon Neon (Stainless Style). My conclusion is that I seem to be drawn to inventive rhyming (see GZM and Pavement), quality puns (see Neon Neon and Edan) and the surreal (see Why? and Stereolab). Is it a coincidence that I also love their music?
The answer is probably a rather drab, ‘a bit, yes – but not entirely’. I know that’s a bit vague (defining why we love the bands we listen to is, a lot of the time) but in a world dominated by Google search engines, fast cut MTV videos, soundbites, tag lines and catchphrases, good titles (and as an extra bonus, ‘appropriate’ ones – ‘Slanted & Enchanted’ for instance pretty much sums up the whole Pavement sound in three words) certainly count a lot more than they used to.
So, musicians, artists and bands take note – words mean more than ever.
Which leads me onto the probable title for the first Foilface EP, namely, Traumatised Yacht Owners. Is it a good title?
To me, it conjures up amusing credit crunch images and the tears of the super wealthy blubbering their dreams away. It sounds like the cackle of slackers who may be about to have their day. I like it at the moment anyway, and it seems to fit.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on March 1st, 2009
 Another triumph at the bunker last night as one more delicious foilface song was burped into life. Things are shaping up nicely now and we’ve developed a bit of a rhythm in terms of writing and recording, what we really need to do now is start mixing and mastering these nuggets of insanity so they can be stuffed into a release-able format or two. To that end we’ve set a date of the first weekend in April for mixing the first EP, the idea being we mix the whole EP in one sitting.
The title of the first magical extended player is Traumatised Yacht Owner and I’m confident it’ll be done and ready for free mp3 download from the foilface website from mid April. Tell your friends, your Dog, your mistress and yourself to be around for the release of this sidestep from banality, being the only member of the Golf Society without a copy on your iPod touch is simply too much of a risk and if you do find yourself in such a career threatening position, well, you can’t say you weren’t warned. Good day.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on February 19th, 2009
 Ever wondered how long it’ll be until forests start having CCTV cameras on the boughs of their trees? Do you long for a song that brings together witches, eagles and vicars and asks them to gently gurgle harmonic sounds together? Then ‘Happy Apocalypso’ to you! For Foilface have the very remedy to cure your ailments.
‘Cameras‘, is one of a batch of currently downloadable Foilface tracks available for free.
Think Smog mud wrestling Devendra Banhart in a hot tub owned by Dave Gilmour and your nine twelfths of the way there.
To find out what’s next and hear about further downloadable tunes from the Foilface collective sign up to the free music mailing list.
By Bro. Jo Stern, on February 17th, 2009
 Is your brain lost in memories? Are you lonely like the vulture? Do you enjoy a cheeky blub every now and again (when no-one’s looking, of course)? Then (amongst other things) Foilface have conjured up a nice weepy little wonk-ballad for you in the shape of, ‘Sad House’.
Download the free mp3. It’s ready and waiting for your listening pleasure.
If Kate Bush were a fat Northern slacker with a penchant for fruit beers and sobbing she/he would happily put their name to this new blast of sad music. Plus it’s free so there’s nothing to lose. Have some lovely new manchester music on us.
It may need one final mix (maybe not – tell us what you think) but it balances quite nicely alongside some of the more joyously rabid tunes currently in the bag.
Go get some…
By Bro. Jo Stern, on February 15th, 2009
 Last night heralded another highly successful Foilface night down the studio. We are now two tunes to the greater and things are progressing nicely.
The first of our new (as yet unfinished) tunes is, ‘Pill Drink’. A delighful ode to drinks that accompany the taking of medicine. In many ways it’s the ballad of a disillusioned joe (‘no-one famous ever came from Milton Keynes… no good stories ever came from Stoke-on-Trent and no-one erotic ever came from East Kilbride’). Which begs the question – Is it a slacker rock mockery of the UK’s provincial towns? Answer – No, it’s a rambling stare at 21st century consumerism as it thrashes about burning on the floor, crying for help and spitting at unhelpful strangers as it draws it’s final breaths. Kind of.
The second tune (told you we’re prolific!) is (probably) called, ‘Last Bastions’. It’s another Foilface ‘wonky ballad’ and I like to think it’s an intergalactic love song involving space ravens (even though it’s not really). I say the words ballad and love song with gritted teeth as they instantly make me think of Celine Dion, Enrique Inglesias, Mariah Carey and all those other plastic-faced, doggerel wafting clowns. Either way it’s an ode to something beautiful and seemingly lost and it builds into a meaty mini-prog beast of a tune come the second half. Think Kings of Convenience meets early-Genesis and your three eighths of the way there.
Anyway, we’ve got lots of tunes in various stages of completion (plus some free ones available to download on this site) at the moment and the next task is mixing them and deciding on how we present things. A batch of 5-track EPs seems like a good idea. We’ll keep you posted. In the meantime remember ‘ music matters‘…
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